- Taschenbuch: 305 Seiten
- Verlag: Henry Holt & Co; Auflage: 1 Reprint (5. Januar 2010)
- Sprache: Englisch
- ISBN-10: 0805091521
- ISBN-13: 978-0805091526
- Größe und/oder Gewicht: 14 x 2,2 x 20,9 cm
- Durchschnittliche Kundenbewertung: 2 Kundenrezensionen
- Amazon Bestseller-Rang: Nr. 291.908 in Fremdsprachige Bücher (Siehe Top 100 in Fremdsprachige Bücher)
Why Him? Why Her? (Englisch) Taschenbuch – 5. Januar 2010
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Praise for Helen Fisher:
"Fascinating.... An original and uniquely contemporary approach to a sensation that, for millennia, has been considered purely emotional." --The Washington Post on "Why We Love"
"A thesis with startling ramifications." --The New York Times Book Review on "Why We Love"
"Delightful to read, offering an abundance of fascinating facts." --The New York Times on "Anatomy of Love"
"Fascinating…. You may already have your dream lover, but you’ll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love."—The Boston Globe
"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love…. [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering."—Los Angeles Times
"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That’s where Helen Fisher comes in…. Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice."—TIME magazine
"Fascinating.... You may already have your dream lover, but you'll want to read this for the many insights on the science of love."--The Boston Globe
"Why Him? Why Her? examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love.... [Fisher offers] a giddy, romantic notion, well worth considering."--Los Angeles Times
"In times of upheaval, nothing offers safe harbor like science. That's where Helen Fisher comes in.... Her research led her inside the biological mechanisms of mate choice."--TIME magazine
Über den Autor und weitere Mitwirkende
Helen Fisher, PhD, is a research professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, and the bestselling author of four previous books, two of which "The First Sex" and "Anatomy of Love" were "New York Times "Notable Books. She is Scientific Adviser to Chemistry.com (a division of Match.com) and lives in New York City."Alle Produktbeschreibungen
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Along comes Helen Fisher to shed some light on this intriguing subject. More than well qualified, she's currently research professor of anthropology at Rutgers, sometimes called the Love Doctor, and formerly a research associate at New York's Museum of Natural History. She's the author of four books, and recognized as an expert on romantic love.
Granted there are some things science cannot explain despite our ever increasing knowledge of the workings of our brains, analyses of personality traits, the effects of testosterone and estrogen, etc. Nonetheless Fisher presents a fascinating concept in Why Him? Why Her?
First of all the author identifies four personality types - the Builder (likes routine and orderliness), the Negotiator ( easily imagines both good and bad things happening), the Director (debates anyone?), and the Explorer (isn't fazed by the unpredictable). Next, the listener is offered 56 questions to help in typing himself or herself.
Now, while the types that are attracted to each other are identified, there's no promise that this is the basis for a lasting relationship. What the book does is offer food for thought re the ever perplexing question of who Mr. Or Miss Right might be.
Ably and authoritatively read by the author.
- Gail Cooke
Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf Amazon.com (beta)
She defines four basic personality temperaments or traits that exist in all individuals with one being dominate and another secondary. Characteristic of Explorers is tendencies for novelty, enthusiasm, risk-taking, spontaneity, irreverence, adventure, etc. Dopamine is associated with Explorers. Builders are conventional, calm, moral, rule-based, respectful of authority, somewhat cautious, loyal, etc. Serotonin is the chemical that is most closely associated with Builders. Directors are analytical, logical, self-controlled, independent, somewhat competitive, decisive, etc. Testosterone dominates in Directors. Negotiators are very social, intuitive, sympathetic, idealistic, tolerant, agreeable, etc. The author claims that it is estrogen that enables both men and women to have enhanced holistic thinking capability. There seems to be no assertions that one personality is better than another or that such personalities are associated with levels of intelligence.
The author strongly suggests that, if accurately assessed, that these four traits go a long ways toward predicting both attraction and aversion. In a study involving 28,000 members of a dating service, in choosing whom to meet for a first date, at a substantial statistically significant level, both Explorers and Builders seek each other, while Directors of either gender seek Negotiators and vice versa. Attractions to other types pale by comparison. Most of the book is devoted to exploring the dynamics of those attractions. The author does warn of problems when people adhere too strictly to their dominant personality type. Interestingly, the author connects temperaments to the type of love sought. Explorers seek playmates; Builders seek helpmates, or pragmatic love; Directors seek mind-mates, or lovers of ideas; while Negotiators seek a soul mate, one with whom they can connect spiritually.
The author is the first to admit that many factors other than these traits go into finding the right partner. Such bodily characteristics as beauty, shape, height, muscularity, voice, movement, and the like are highly important, as are values and ideals. Conversational abilities and self-confidence are not to be ignored. The author discusses the theory that coupledom involves the idea of completion, or finding in the other the solution to personal shortcomings.
There seems to be the assumption that most of this - assessing personality and characteristics - is fairly straightforward, or at least there is no indication otherwise. One strongly suspects that is not the case. Why do so many of us get it wrong in mate selection. The author speaks of proximity, such as the workplace, as being conducive to finding mates, which certainly gives longish times to assess compatibility. But for many there are not such opportunities. To be a successful player in the mating game seems to require sufficient maturity, experience, and knowledge of much of what the author discusses which can be brought to bear rather quickly and competently for the opportunity at hand - not so easy one would think.
The book is interesting and easily read. It does tend to be a bit redundant. Thankfully, it tends to be general and does not force the reader to be involved with endless examples of couples. It is a most credible effort in attempting to understand what makes for good relationships. In addition, the author provides a fairly short personality test to determine one's relative tendencies towards being an Explorer, Builder, Director, or Negotiator.
Other reviews cover the material in the book.
Let me say first that the backbone of her research has been done before. There are 4 personality types. They have been called many things by different authors. The reason I don't mind that is that the author acknowledges the fact, and provides the source material. She then ties the personality types with brain chemistry, and does it convincingly. I haven't seen that before.
Sure, she mentions her work with two online dating services. But it's part of the story, and to omit that would cheat the reader. Any author worth their salt would mention the work they have done in the past. In fact, her work for these companies is the basis of much of her research.
She includes quotations from philosophers, businesspeople, even Einstein.
These quotations add to the reading by showing what type(personality type, that is) of person thinks in what way.
She includes personal stories that, if they were missing, would make this a harder read.
Some of what she says has been covered before...but there isn't a book written that covers JUST new material. The way I see it, for $20 you got a few hours of intelligent introspection into what makes you the way you are...how others perceive you...and what others will be attracted (and repelled) in you. Certainly worth the price.
By the way, I'm 100% Director, married to a near 100% Negotiator. According to the book, we're a perfect match. And we are.
added 3/04/09 I noticed that most of the bad reviews are for the CD. I read the book. It must be a different experience.
sanguine, phlegmatic, choleric, melancholic (Galen)
hedone, propraietare, dialogike, ethikos (Aristotle)
artistic, sensible, reasoning, intuitive (Plato)
blood, phlegm, yellow bile, black bile (Hippocrates)
manic, depressive, aggressive, oversensitive (Kretschmer)
Her chapter titles for these types are: Drink Life to the Lees, A Pillar of Society, Always the Stars, The Philosopher King. She is very positive and educational in describing these types and I don't think many people will be turned off by her treatment of them. She includes many nice one liners and quotes as well as a mini autobiography of a famous person for each type.
The second half of the book addresses the question posed as the title of the book. She reports that all types can be very happy with any type and that there are dozens of factors from the "nurture" side that are involved in mate selection but from the "nature" side there appears to be a tendency for Explorers to want to be with other Explorers ("play mates"), for Builders to want to be with other Builders ("help mates"), both reflecting like attracts like and birds of a feather, for Directors to want to be with Negotiators and vice versa reflecting how opposites attract. Perhaps an example of this can be seen from the pairings in the sitcom Big Bang Theory: Howard and Bernadette as two Explorers, Sheldon and Amy as two Builders and Penny and Leonard as a Director/Negotiator couple.
Regarding the match up between two Negotiators, I found this to be interesting, "Negotiators are true idealists, the least realistic of all four types regarding romance, love and marriage. They seek the perfect partner and eternal love. And they refuse to compromise. Some Negotiators would rather live alone for years than settle for anything less than a deeply meaningful relationship. Nevertheless, Negotiators are not generally attracted to each other at first meeting. ... Still, many Negotiator couples find - and keep - what they sought all their lives: a soul mate." page 188
As popular as the enneagram is, I find this approach a little more practical and compassionate.
The questionnaire is used to determine how closely a person conforms to each of four personality types: (1) Explorer (2) Builder (3) Director (4) Negotiator. A person has a primary personality type and a secondary personality type. For example, a person may be foremost a Director (her primary personality type) and then a Builder (her secondary personality type).
Some traits that stand out for:
(1) an Explorer: risk taker, enthusiastic, curious, spontaneous, impulsive, susceptible to boredom, etc.
(2) a Builder: cautious, loyal, traditional, orderly, predictable, tenacious, meticulous planner, etc.
(3) a Director: bold, direct, logical, analytical, exacting, focused, etc.
(4) a Negotiator: imaginative, intuitive, harmony-loving, empathetic, etc.
Explorers tend to seek Explorers, Builders tend to seek Builders, Directors tend to seek Negotiators, and Negotiators tend to seek Directors. In light of this, the question of whether attraction is based on similarity (like attract like) or complementarity (opposites attract) becomes moot. According to Fisher, if you're an Explorer or a Builder, you're attracted to a someone just like yourself; if you're a Director or a Negotiator, you're attracted to someone who is unlike (or who complements) you.
Fisher also explains the bio-chemistry behind each personality type. (1) An explorer has higher levels of Dopamine and Norepinephrine (2) A Builder has higher levels of Serotonin (3) A Director has higher levels of Testosterone (4) A Negotiator has higher levels of Estrogen and Oxytocin.
A little tidbit which is of particular interest to me is that many Directors (many of whom are in positions of power) have significantly longer ring fingers than index fingers - an indicator of high levels of testosterone!
Why Him Why Her is superbly narrated by the author herself. Her enthusiasm and conviction for her own work on personality types and principles of compatibility clearly shows through her remarkably energetic and engaging narration. I enjoyed the book so much that I actually listened to it from start to end for 12 hours straight!
I definitely don't subscribe lock, stock, and barrel to Fisher's view on the chemistry and science of attraction. I tend to view any formulaic approach to matchmaking with a generous dose of skepticism. Regardless, Fisher has helped me gain some very valuable insight into myself and the selection of my ideal mate. I can't guarantee that this book will do the same for you, but in any case, I think this book will be a very interesting and worthwhile read.