- Gebundene Ausgabe: 303 Seiten
- Verlag: W W NORTON & CO; Auflage: 1 (17. April 2007)
- Sprache: Englisch
- ISBN-10: 0393705196
- ISBN-13: 978-0393705195
- Größe und/oder Gewicht: 16,5 x 3,3 x 24,4 cm
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- Amazon Bestseller-Rang: Nr. 148.322 in Fremdsprachige Bücher (Siehe Top 100 in Fremdsprachige Bücher)
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Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind (Norton Professional Book) (Englisch) Gebundenes Buch – 17. April 2007
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As a parent who has been there...gained from this book the resolve to try again, no matter how painful.
Dr. Baker . . . has put PASon the map as a significantform of emotional abuse afflictingadults long after theyleave their childhood yearsbehind. This is a book worthreading, assigning to students, and keeping as a reference. --S. Richard Sauber, PhD, co-author of International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome
It should be mandatory reading for any custody evaluator or attorney involved in high conflict divorces where parental alienation is present.--Margarethe S. Smith, MA
Dr. Baker . . . has put PAS on the map as a significant form of emotional abuse afflicting adults long after they leave their childhood years behind. This is a book worth reading, assigning to students, and keeping as a reference.--S. Richard Sauber, PhD, co-author of International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome
[W]ill become a classic . . . . it is a milestone in the field.--Jayne A. Major, PhD, Stop Parental Alienation of Children (SPAC)
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) occurs when divorcing parents use children as pawns, trying to turn the child against the other parent. This book examines the impact of PAS on adults and offers strategies and hope for dealing with the long-term effects.Alle Produktbeschreibungen
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I had my spouse and kids all talking about how bad I was and all agreeing. They fully convinced friends, counselors, neighbors, family members, and leaders of community organizations that I was bad. Then, everyone had their pet theories about what I might be doing wrong, that all rise from something in that individual's life history. Trust me, everyone had a pet hunch about what I was doing wrong. And I was banging my head against the wall, vigorously following up each of their suggestions, but in the back of my mind, I knew that they were not the answer. It was the most confusing, most embarrassing, most confusing time in my life. Everyone "knew" I was bad only because everyone else "knew" I was bad. People assume that if your own kids don't like you, you must have done something really, really bad. Nothing I did could make it better.
The only thing is that I had not done anything wrong, certainly nothing to justify my kids treating me as their worst enemy. I had this vague sense that my kids were being influenced by my spouse but had no way to explain it or convince someone. "Brainwashing .. yeah right ... tell me how that works."
Then, I caught wind of this book. It showed statistically, how a couple dozen methods could heavily influence a child. And then I realized that my spouse used almost all of the techniques, and even invented some new ones. It is a good book, based on real people in real situations. I began to see that the genius in these "allegations" was that they were all vague, unprovable, unmeasurable, subjective complaints. Mountains of mole hills. Exaggerations. Lies.
So finally, I found what the root problem was, and I could at least try to address it, though there are no magic answers.
However, at least my sanity has been restored, and for that, I will always be thankful for this book. Buy it, read it, give it to friends. Spread the word, because my story plays out in the lives of lots of other suffering people, both parents and children and children who became adults, most never knowing what hit them.
Parental Alienation is in the DSM. It is in the DSM as child abuse. Hundreds of authoritative studies of parental alienation and thousands of victims (some in Facebook support groups into the thousands) overwhelmingly establish this is a very clear psychological dynamic. It is in the DSM. It is well-accepted in the forensic psychologist community and parental alienation is in graduate college textbooks for forensic psychology graduate study.
The psychological models of parental alienation are well understood, especially the model be leading scholar Craig Childress in this great book available at Amazon "An Attachment-Based Model" and his many excellent papers. The family systems model is the basis, originally by Minuchin, but the DSM model is more specifically developed now with the enormous amount of information now on parental alienation. Childress is a regular speaker and recognized expert in the psychology community. I think he also is on the family and children committee of the American Psychological Association. Childress in his recent papers has developed the best DSM parental alienation diagnosis criteria for clinical practitioners and the courts, in my opinion, and you can read his excellent papers in this exceptional Amazon book Essays on Attachment-Based Parental Alienation: The Internet Writings of Dr. Childress.
309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed disturbance of emotions and conduct
V61.20 Parent-Child Relational Problem
V61.29 Child Affected by Parental Relationship Distress
V995.51 Child Psychological Abuse, Suspected/Confirmed
Yet the best first book to read on Parental Alienation, for anyone, before Amy J. Baker or Craig Childress, is scholar Richard Warshak's "Divorce Poison". Warshak is a regular presenter before forensic psychologists, and his papers are excellent. "Divorce Poison" "Divorce Poison" came out shortly before parental alienation was recognized by the DSM, and so Warshak published an especially excellent updated paper, now in the DSM, addressing the DSM and updated suggested treatments. That Warshak paper was originally presented BY the authority of the Texas State Bar for family law lawyers continuing education.
Amy J. Baker is one of the other half-dozen foremost experts on parental alienation, among the hundreds of papers, books, experts, forensic psychologists, clinical practitioners, legal experts on the subject of Parental Alienation in the DSM. Baker is highly authoritative.
(I would also place clinical expert Linda Gottlieb in that authority category, along with Amy. J. Baker, and Gottlieb is currently revising her classic and outstanding clinical guide for clinical practitioners "The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Family Therapy and Collaborative Systems Approach to Amelioration" you can buy at Amazon.
The late Jayne Major, a pioneer of understanding parental alienation, also is in that elite authority category. Jayne Major called this book "A classic... A milestone." Major paper "Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parental Alienation" also is a classic, though old.) Amy J. Baker is highly authoritative. Indispensible also is Lyn Greenburg's paper "Is the Child's Therapist Part of the Problem" in Family Law Quarterly. Yet Amy J. Baker has a very special place of authority that none of those other scholars or scores of forensic psychologists have.
DSM Senior Editor William Bernet and Amy J. Baker were the two scholars who formally introduced parental alienation for inclusion in the DSM; that is how authoritative Amy J. Baker is in regards to parental alienation with the DSM and her scholarly authority. The peer-reviewed paper by Bernet and Baker introducing P.A. into the DSM is readily available for you to examine, and that paper includes a huge list of published studies on parental alienation. Bernet and Baker subsequently followed-up on that DSM paper with a second widely-available paper you can read called "Response to Critics" that addressed doubts about parental alienation.
William Bernet, Senior Editor of the DSM, and scholar Amy J. Baker have reputations that are beyond reproach -- except for female gender smear campaigns from a court custody battle perspective that, sadly, should have nothing to do with parental alienation. Parental alienation is a psychological dynamic that is gender neutral. In fact, most parental alienation support groups on social media, with thousands of members, are mostly women. Parental alienation has victimized thousands of woman, and it is sad to see politically-motivated woman smear Amy J. Baker out of ignorance of what parental alienation is, a well-understood psychological dynamic in the DSM. Amy J. Baker is highly authoritative.
Now that I have explained her authority and an overview, here is my review of this classic book.
This book starts by defining what parental alienation is. All these points can be confirmed by the thousands of members in social media support groups and education groups -- so sad and hearbreaking. These tragic points are truly valid. You can also finds scores of books at Amazon, and they keep coming. This really happens.
Amy J. Baker writes in this book:
1. "There is a campaign of denigration against the target parent, the child becoming obsessed with hatred of him or her. Parents who were once loved and valued seemingly overnight become hated or feared." Absolutely true! This is also called gaslighting. No child can resist of false information, false abuse stories, orchestrated police calls, and isolating the target parent so the gaslighting cannot be refuted by reality. Richard Warshak uses the phrase "Badmouthing, Bashing and Brainwashing" in his classic "Divorce Poison: How to Protect Your Family from Bad-mouthing and Brainwashing" and also in his video for child abuse victims of parental alienation "Welcome Back Pluto: Understanding, Preventing, and Overcoming Parental Alienation". Parental alienation is child abuse, and it is in the DSM as child abuse.
2. "There are weak, frivolous, and absurd rationalizations for the depreciation of the targeted parent. The objections made in the campaign of denigration are often not of the magnitude that would lead a child to hate a parent." Yes, of course, because the child has been gaslighted by the alienated parent and, often, an aligned therapist with a political agenda that is a felony hate crime under federal law. The alienator likely has a narcissistic wound and the child is gaslighted. It makes no sense for the child to hate the alienated parent when you dig into the details. The deception is easily swept away by skilled forensic psychologists, yet most by-standards take the false claims on face value and get gaslighted too with seemingly frivolous comments.
3. There is a lack of ambivalence about the alienating parent on the child's part. It is a truism of development that children are ambivalent about both of their parents. Even the best of parents are imperfect or set limits for their children that cause resentment and frustration. A hallmark of PAS, however, is that the child expresses no ambivalence about the alienated parent." Yes, exactly, as thousands of alienated parents in parental alienation support and education or parental alienation support and information social media support groups will tell you. This is parental alienation, and Amy J. Baker has it described perfectly in this book as victims will tell you. Like Jayne major said, this book is a classic and a milestone.
4. "Children strongly assert that the decision to reject the other parent is their own... the "Independent Thinker" phenomenon in which the children adamently claim the negative feelings are wholly their own, and [ahem] the alienating parents defend the children's right to make their own decisions regarding visitation." Yes! The child is really being coerced, and the victims in this book say in their stories later in the book that they wanted to see the parent all along and that the alienated parent should have kept at it. I have papers from both Richard Warshak and Linda Gottlieb that say that children often experience great remorse later and that they never meant it, and that it is cruel to make them testify where they will say what they do not really mean. Years later the children will say that wanted the alienated parent all along but could not speak up.
The "aligned therapist" will often say they support the child, yet this therapist, often a felon under federal hate crimes -- a domestic hate terrorist under civil rights law -- and child abuse, has arranged the gaslighting, perhaps with a story book given to the alienator that is the playbook to follow. (Numerous papers and books describe the role of the therapist, starting with Lyn Greenbark, Richard Warshak, etc.) So, yes, Amy. J. Baker is spot on in this book.
5. "There is an absence of guilt about the treatment of tarketed parents." Yes! I am personally aware of many suicides by alienation victims too, and this suicide rate is well-described in an article on parental alienation in Psychology Today. Yet the children, astonishing, show no compassion.
When this happens, you know the child has been gaslighted and the psycholoical dynamic called parental alienation is present in the family system and the alienator is very disturbed. So, yes, this book is spot on.
6. "These children show reflexive support for the alienating parent in the parental conflict, with no willingness or attempt to be impartial when faced with the interparental conflicts, and no interest in hearing the targeted parent's point of view."
7. "Using borrowed scenarios, PAS children often make accusations about the targeted parent that utilizes phrases and ideas adopted wholesale from the alienating parent." Yes, Baker is right again. This parenting of a child talking like a parent can be so obvious that it is nearly funny in absurdity.
8. "Not only is the targeted parent denigrated, despised, and avoided but so too is the parent's entire family." Yes, this is so sad. The impact on the alienated victims is so sad, as verified with the many stories of alienated victims in social media support and information groups. The whole family is lopped off. Baker's scholarly work is exceptional. The alienator is disturbed, and the alienated victim and other people isolated through the false badmouthing and false allegation. This often precedes a divorce, and then at the point of divorce, out come false abuse allegations.
Many an innocent people have been imprisoned falsely by a gaslighted child. Richard Warshak points out masterfully in Divorce Poison the study where an actor walks through a preschool room without saying anything to children or touching the children, and then they are asked later if the actor touched them, and the children are certain they were touched. If you ask the question again and again, the child believes it. Years later, after being told that the incident was not real, the children will still be absolutely certain that it happened, even when told with certainty that it was an actor and they were not touched.
It is now an epidemic. Books and books are pouring out from victims, and they keep coming. The number of papers and books describing the psychological model are into the hundreds if not thousands now. Courts are jammed with this plague.
In this book, Amy J. Baker explains the family dynamic of parental alienation in three general categories: 1. Narcissistic parent in divorced families alienating the children from the targeted parent. 2. narcissistic parent in intact families alienating children from the target parent. (I will add that Albert Einstein believed he was in this victim category, you can read in Einstein biographies such as the one by Walter Isaacson, "Einstein: His Life and Universe".) 3. Cold, rejecting, or abusive alienating parents of either gender -- in intact or divorced alienating the children from the targeted parent.
Baker described the alienators as:
1. Many alienating parents seemed to have personality disorders. Yes, spot on. Was the grandparent an abuser with a personality disorder, for example? Is there a family history of bi-polar disorder, cold, lacking empathy self-centeredness, narcissistic sociopathology, etc. Yet, the child will insist the alienated victim has the personality disorder, having been gaslighted and/or displaced into the scapegoat.
2. Parental alienation co-occurs with other forms of child maltreatment by the alienating parent. My understanding is that sexual boundaries are often blurred, perhaps sexual abuse, and yet this abuse gets displaced onto the scapegoat alienated victim.
3. Alienating parents function like cult leaders. Yes, cult dynamics are in force. A child cannot resist the brainwashing. This is called gaslighting. Scholars also say that a child put into therapy with an "aligned therapist" is like putting the child in a cult. The child cannot resist being brainwashed by the therapist. It is extremely important to report these therapists to the licensing agency. As the medical community better embraces the DSM and this highly-understood family dynamic called parental alienation, these therapists will begin being sentenced to prison for state felony child abuse (perhaps by federal laws that allow the federal government to prosecute state crimes with authorities are complicit) and felony hate crimes under federal law.
4. Parental alienation strategies disrupt the attachment between child and targeted parent. Absolutely. And it can last many years. Richard Warshak says that eventually the child as an adult figures it out, but sadly the parent is often dead by then. It is so sad for the child abuse victim. This is child abuse. Then the child not only feels the loss, but also remorse for rejecting the parent and also anger at the alienating perpetrator(s). Parental alienation is child abuse, and it is child abuse in the DSM. Amy J. Baker is spot on, and Richard Warshak's paper "Parental Alienation: Overview, Management, Intervention, and Practice Tips" will supplement and confirm what Baker writes in this book. The University of Texas School of Law and the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers-Texas Chapter included this monograph-length paper in course material for a 2014 conference on custody litigation -- by their authority and a particularly excellent paper for judges and legislators. Amy J. Baker is spot on in this book.
5. Parental alienation is a form of emotional abuse. Yes, this is in the DSM too. Parental alienation is child abuse per the DSM.
6. Realization of parental alienation is a process and not an event. Yes, Baker is spot on. Numerous child abuse victims describe in closed social media support and information groups how they came to realize what happened. I specifically recall one victim saying that her mother would be so angry and controlling if she knew her child was sharing in the group and that the child reached out to her father recently (years after the alienation started). Baker's model is spot on (and should be supplemented with the DSM model developed by Craig Childress).
7. The impact of alienation is life long and may be intergenerational. Yes, so true. Baker is spot on.
8. How the targeted parent responded made a difference. Yes, Baker is spot on and confirmed by other scholars. Sadly, it is so hard to know how to respond. "Aligned therapists" advise a period of separation, and then homeostasis sets in and the alienation is ingrained into the child's brain. Instead, the targeted parent needs to be smart and proactive in responding. Many scholars advise how, starting with the book "Divorce Poison."
The work (mostly videos) of therapist Sue Cornbluth is great advice to targeted parents on how to respond. Cornbluth concurs strongly with Baker that the response type can make a big difference. Do not badmouth the alienating parent and wound that narcissistic person with a narcissistic wound further, Cornbluth says in one of her videos. "Never, ever, ever badmouth," she says. Find ways to join with the child, Cornbluth advises. My view as a lifelong volunteer and compassionate open-minded Christian is that love is the answer.
Amy J. Baker writes, "The final three chapters of the book present clinical implications and suggestions for therapists and other mental health professionals." Yes. This is in the DSM, and I argue that therapists should lose their licenses for making stuff up, like gaslighting the child into trauma and then a bogus trauma model after they put the child into trauma, or simply de-licensed for not following the DSM, period. Parental alienation is in the DSM and in the DSM as child abuse.
For how targeted parents respond, as Baker describes being important and gives clinical guidance, Richard Warshak says in his video "Welcome Back Pluto:"
1. Rejected parents should remember that their children are victims.
2. Refrain from criticism. "Being in a relationship is more important than being right. Rejected parents need to develop a thick skin to withstand all the hurtful things the children say and do."
3. Watch and wait for unexpected opportunities. Look for opportunities to show interest and caring.
This ties with what Baker advises. This book is a milestone and a classic.
There are myths that Baker addresses. I cannot write about everything in this review. My goal is to review the book with what we know about parental alienation.
Verdict: This book is a classic and spot on. Yet much research has been conducted since then. The stories of victims continue to pour out.
I will try to finish up this review. Amy J. Baker emphasizes in this book the cult-like dynamics. (The story of Patricia Hearst is an interesting story of cult-like brainwashing too for comparison.) It is called gaslighting. Warshak calls it "badmouthing, bashing and brainwashing."
The book has dozens of stories from alienated children then as adults saying what happened. It would take quite awhile to describe each. It is haunting. It is so sad. :( To hear an adult say that she loved the parent all along as an alienated child and that the victim parent should not have given up. It is so sad to read these stories and the stories in the closed social media support and information groups. So sad, these stories in this book.
Highly recommended! A classic.
Other books to consider.
The number of books available at Amazon from alienated victims is overwhelming. Here are a few that stand out as a place to start:
Protecting Emilie: The Truth About Parental Alienation The author was a child abuse victim of parental alienation. She dedicates the book, "Dedicated to victims of parental alienation. Parental alienation is in the DSM. It is in the DSM as child abuse.
Mother Erased: Learning,Leaving,&Losing My Children To A Sociopath
The Child Who Hates Her Father And The Mother Who Caused It!: Former US Marine Cleland James Fights a Personal Battle with Parental Alienation Syndrome and Estrangement
The Parentectomy ~ A Memoir: A Perspective On Rising Above Parental Alienation
Don't Hug Your Mother: The compelling true story of how two boys were alienated from their mother for eighteen years.
A Family's Heartbreak: A Parent's Introduction to Parental Alienation
Dear Daughter...Letters From Daddy
A Kidnapped Mind: A Mother's Heartbreaking Memoir of Parental Alienation
What was once a DREAM...THE LIFE OF AN ALIENATED PARENT
The number of books, videos and papers similar to "Adult Children of Parental Alienation" for those interested (and that backs-up what in this book) is overwhelming. I already mentioned the best ones, such as "Divorce Poison" by Warshak and the books by Dr. Craig Childress, all available at Amazon. Also DSM Senior Editor William Bernet.
Here are other books by Amy J. Baker at Amazon that are notable as excellent in the literature of P.A.:
Working With Alienated Children and Families: A Clinical Guidebook. This was written with Harvard-trained forensic psychologist, clinical practitioners, and professor Richard Sauber.
Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex: What to Do When Your Ex-Spouse Tries to Turn the Kids Against You. This was written with notable LCSW family therapist Paul Fine.
Surviving Parental Alienation: A Journey of Hope and Healing. So sad. Heartbreaking.
And finally, this legal clinical treatment book is useful for comparison and contrast to Amy J. Baker's Adult Children of Parental Alienation: The Narcissistic Parent: A Guidebook for Legal Professionals Working with Families in High-Conflict Divorce