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As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.
As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.
As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.
Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.
Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).
Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.
The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.
If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.
Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.
Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.
Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!
0Kommentar|47 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 21. Februar 1999
It was facinating to read the other reviews of this book. I can't help but be struck by how simple minded many of the negative comments about the book are. What they don't understand is that the vast majority of people are motivated by the desire to be appreciated. Because we are all so consumed with our own desire to be appreciated we often miss that elementry fact. The principles of this book are simple, but their implications are complex. Therefore, its occasional simplicity could never deminish its greatness. It seems to me that those who hold negative comments about this book felt as though they were being tricked. Remember, Dale teaches that we should communicate "honest, sincere" appreciation and admiration of others. Phoney is phoney whether it is in 1937 or 1997. Dale would never advocate the use of untruths in winning friends. People are not stupid, simply naturally motivated a few common factors. Some readers became defensive believing that they are to smart to fall for these techniques. But, you see, they are caught up in their own sense of selfworth, their own sense of importance. What a shame that the brilliance of the book was lost on them. Other readers had the ability to recognize that they were also motivated by a desire to be appreciated. Those are the readers who have changed the way they see human interaction. Man is a complex animal filled with instinct and the ability to reason. There are certain situations that cause the vast majority of people to react in the same manner- this is instinct. A perfect example is a smile from another. Your first impression of that person is that he is friendly. This thought is involuntary. That fact that we all respond positively to a smile does not mean that we are being tricked. We are simply receiving the nourishment that we crave. Still don't believe me. Imagine this situation honestly. You have always believed that Tom from work is an ass. But yesterday you had a conversation with you best friend from work when the subject of Tom came up. Your friend says to you, "Well, I don't know what you've done to Tom to make him think you are so great, but earlier today he told me that you are the most valuable employee in the company and that your integrity as a human being is unmatched". What do you think about Tom now? You can't help but to like him can you? I would like him. Why? My new openion of him is involuntary. I think I am important and deserving of recognition just like every other human being on the planet, and he gave me what I craved just like every other human being, honest sincere appreciation. If you liked the book, read it again. If you didn't like it, read it again. Otherwise, you will be doomed to wallow in your own ignorance of human relations forever.
Aaron J. Ruckman
0Kommentar|9 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 3. Mai 2016
I just finished reading this book since the purchased date. There are pros and cons,in my opinion. People who decided to buy book sure have purpose,which for me...I am a social awkward person so I want to improve my communication skills on how to make lot of friends but I think this book is not really fit with my purpose

Pros:
- it works in professional working life
- great advise with examples tho I hope the story would goes straight to the point.
-it comes on handy when you need to revise again,there is a summary.
-increases your EQ

Cons:
- If you just recently exercised it and not a typical of who you are,peoole will say that "you are fake", unless it is a commitment actions.
- No advice on how to make long term stable relationship,is more on how to capture the heart of the other person,and if you keep on doing it I think personally you will feel tired because you keep on pleasing people,and not everyone will understand the action so some smart people might abuse the actions we do. Hard for me to tell the examples,but I have experience a lot.
-Sometimes I lost the story, not until I read the main point the author wants to point out and re-read again

Overall,still a good book. I don't care about the publish look like how other comments. If you sit in the manager,supervisor, or position where you have to managed people. USE It,its effective!!! Or group work or during feedback session. It increases your EQ somehow and affecting your leadership skills slightly somehow.
review image review image
0Kommentar|2 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 11. September 2000
Dieses Buch enthält eine ganze menge Sachen, die eigentlich jedem von uns klar sein sollten - nur haben wir eben (im Gegensatz zu Dale Carnegie) nie richtig darüber nachgedacht... Das Ding ist heute noch genauso relevant wie damals, wenn auch die 1001 Geschichten zum Thema "wie motiviere ich meine Fließbandarbeiter" etwas aus der Zeit sind. Aber dafür mutiert man bei der Lektüre dieses Buches zum Bewunderer von Franklin Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln und anderen berühmte Köpfen von anno dazumal. Einziger Wehrmutstropfen - Das Buch ist zu lang, man hat nach 1 Seite jedes Kapitels eigentlich verstanden was Dale uns sagen will. Trotzdem lesenswert!
0Kommentar|23 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 19. Februar 1999
This book is about making people like you. However, most of the techniques tought are much too simple and ineffective.
When I was reading the book, I was surprised to recognize many little tricks people were using in order to have their way with me. These tricks were so obvious that I always wanted to ask the people: "Just how stupid you think I am? Do you really think I'm not seeing what you're really up to?" Most of the techniques Mr. Carnegie suggested were very easy to recognize and there was no chance anybody could make me like him by using'em.
At that time, I was everything but advanced in psychology. What I'm saying is that when you use Mr. Carnegie's tricks, there's a great chance that people you're dealing with will recognize them and react negatively. The book is easy to read and can certainly give you some good basics on human psychology, but if you want to be really successful in your communication, you'll need much more than Mr. Carnegie's ancient wisdom. (Besides - I can't let it be unmentioned - on a few occasions, the good old Dale Carnegie is simply wrong.)
There is one more thing you should know. When Mr. Carnegie talks about "friends", he means "customers". You might make customers with his techniques, but you probably won't make any friends. In fact, you should be careful with using some of Mr. Carnegies tricks on your friends if you don't want to lose them.
I'm not saying the book is bad. I'm not saying it's good either. It's mediocre, no more, no less - that's what the 3 stars're for.
22 Kommentare|66 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 16. Juni 2016
Ich fühle, dass dieses Buch lieber zur Manipulation anregt statt zum Verständnis. Ich habe viel von dort gelesen um zu erkennen, dass das nicht mein Weg ist. Grundlegende Mechaniken werden zwar ausgesprochen, allerdings fühlt es sich nicht so an, als ob ich sie benutzen möchte. Es schadet trotz alldem nicht, einen Blick darauf zu werfen.
0Kommentar|Eine Person fand diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
In business, those who are the most "emotionally" intelligent always rise to the top. Why is that?

As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.

As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.

As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.

Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.

Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).

Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purposes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.

The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.

If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.

Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.

Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.

I also recommend Daniel Goleman's "Working with Emotional Intelligence" to understand these concepts and "NLP Masterclass" to help you extend these lessons with specific skills.

Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!

After you finish reading this book, think about where you are trying to pull a calf where you want the calf to go.
0Kommentar|5 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 19. April 2009
Many of these self improvement books are completely exaggerating and talking about methods which are simply not applicable. This is, I feel, one of the books which actually are on track and give advice which is useful.

There are three parts in this book: how to make people like you, how to win people to your way of thinking and how to change people without arousing resentment. Actually, most of the people will actually know about most of the things the book suggests, but often we "know but do not realize". Ever so often I had to say to myself "Well, that's actually the way to do it and if I think of it, I somehow knew it." But these things have never before been laid out in front of me so openly. Some of the principles described in the book I already used consciously, some of them unconsciously and some where new ideas to me.

The book is not a manual giving concrete steps to take or phrases to use, but rather a guide to show you the direction to follow. The steps used to walk into the given direction must be found and taken by yourself, as they are very much dependent on the situation at hand. But there are numerous examples of how people applied the principles in certain situations. Actually most of the book consists of such examples and what the result was. Sure, Dale Carnegie uses positive examples with incredible results for illustration in his book, basically he shows the tip of the iceberg. The reader must realize that not every time one of these principles is being applied such a huge gain can result. So don't expect immediate radical changes once you start following the advice in the book, but I'm sure the general idea is correct and will yield results finally.
0Kommentar|4 Personen fanden diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 9. August 2015
Das Buch ist vor 80 Jahren geschrieben worden und damit vor allem ein Klassiker und Vorbild der ganzen positivistischen Motivationsliteratur aus den USA. Als Beispiele beschreibt er Anekdoten aus dem Leben von Promis der damaligen Zeit, Präsidenten und so und leitet daraus seine Merksätze ab. Carnegie selbst war ja auch ein schlauer Fuchs in Sachen Selbstmerketing und nannte sich von "Carnagey" in Carnegie um, um bei seinen Vortragen und Buchverkäufen schon zu Lebzeiten vom Rum der dann gleichnamigen Großindustriellen und Mäzenatenfamilei Carnegie zu profitieren. Inhaltlich liest sich das Buch wegen der Promigleichnisse etwas langatmig, aber die Leitsätze sind interessant. Für Schnellleser bietet er am Ende jedes Kapitels die wesentlichen Konzepte nochmal als Merksätze an. Das ganze ist also eine Mischung aus Mentaltrainingsbuch und Zeitgeschichte.
0Kommentar|Eine Person fand diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden
am 6. September 2014
Carnegie weist auf Aspekte menschlicher Interaktion hin, die eigentlich jedem bekannt sind. Über was er schreibt, ist wirklich nichts weltbewegendes. Warum also 5 Sterne? Weil seine Analyse und die anschaulichen Beispiele, die er liefert, Gold wert sind. Das Buch regt sehr zum nachdenken und diskutieren an. Carnegie liefert keine Tricks, um reich und mächtig zu werden, sondern allgemeine Verhaltensweisen für ein erfolgreiches Leben, sowohl privat, wie auch beruflich.
Nur der Name ist für mich immer noch befremdlich - vielleicht hat man sich damals so ausgedrückt, heute wirkt man wohl eher etwas vereinsamt, wenn man beim Lesen eines Buches namens "how to win friends" erwischt wird :)
11 Kommentar|Eine Person fand diese Informationen hilfreich. War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?JaNeinMissbrauch melden