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5 von 5 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 15. Juni 2000
In my work as a psychologist for the last 14 years, marital problems are a most common presenting problem. They are usually most painful for clients, and most difficult for the mental health professional to treat. Yet, as one reviewer noted, most therapists really don't seem to know what to do! I agree, as I always ask my clients if they've previously seen a professional about marital problems, and whether it was helpful. Most give lukewarm responses at best. This is usually not because of the therapist's incompetence, but because of lack of proper training/continuing education. Unfortunately, many people then mistakenly assume that their relationship is doomed to fail. Not necessarily true! Any couple who has been dissatisfied with therapy might want to try either reading Dr. Gottman's book on their own, finding a psychologist or therapist who uses Dr. Gottman's work, or finding a therapist who is willing to learn it with them! In my experience, his work is simply the best, and it is based on a huge database of clinical experience with real people. Couples need an explanation of what is wrong, and specific, usable guidance about what to do. Dr. Gottman's work fits the bill perfectly. And, of course, even if you've never been in therapy or even considered it, the book is still quite useful. For those who are really into it, his students Dr.Howard Markman and Dr. Clifford Notarius have written some very useful books along the same lines. All three men have been on national television discussing these ideas. of course, their book are not aimed at people with such problems as continuing abuse or drug/alcohol problems. But for an ailing marriage or relationship, nothing beats his work or that of his students. I'm sure the books of Drs. Markman and Notarius available on Good luck!
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 17. Juni 2000
A very reasonable as well as scientific approach to marriage. Many marriage-oriented books offer logical short-term band-aids (e.g., focusing on perceived Mars/Venus gender differences, communicating better, smoothing over conflicts) that make for a provocative read and/or admirable goals, but by and large fail in the long-run to resuscitate shaky marriages. Gottman creates a path for marital success via theories and exercises with an established track record for success. Many people wouldn't think that a fit marriage has to be exercised regularly, no less than one's body through regular workouts. Gottman's book serves as the ultimate guide to marital fitness, yet is a valuable read even if you are unmarried or have already experienced a failed marriage.
Good marriages don't necessarily have less conflicts than bad ones. Gottman gets under the surface and digs into such deeper issues as the maintaining of HONOR and RESPECT for your partner in the heat of all-too-common battles. Along the way he punches holes in a lot of marriage-counseling paradigms. In short, this book can improve a good marriage (or any similiar commitment between two people), heal a salvagable one, or explain why a bad one got to or beyond the point of no return. Or even serve as a form of CRUCIAL pre-marital counseling.
My question, why isn't there a mandatory course in marriage at the high school level that incorporates Gottman's research? Wouldn't the knowledge gained be of as much or more importance than any other accumulated as teenagers head into adulthood? I consider topics such as those raised by Gottman to be of enormous value for my daughters to read (and discuss!) when they reach their mid-teens...better too early than too late!
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 17. Mai 1999
After watching marriage-advice books catalyze the destruction of my first marriage, I did not think I would find myself reading any more of these books soon. But I heard an interview with Dr Gottman on National Public Radio and I was so impressed that I ran out, bought the book and read it. The thing that makes the book so good is that it is based on rigorous, scientific research (you know, set up an experiment, collect data, look for patterns in the data without inserting your own preconceptions and report it). Although I found that most of Dr. Gottman's findings were not particularly surprising, I still found the book to be extremely useful because out of the many possible things a person could do to improve their marriage, this book tells you which ones really matter. The book also gave me a good sense of the problems that are encountered in happy marriages. For example, about 60% of the conflicts that happily married couples have are unresolvable (perpetual). This fact alone would have helped my first marriage a lot considering all the good will that we burned up trying to solve problems that were not solvable. Dr Gottman found that happy couples accept that these problems are unresolvable and can learn to live with them without damaging their relationship. As an analogy he points out that people with bad elbows can live very rich and rewarding lives as long as they don't make playing tennis a central part of their lives. In summary this is a great book that people who don't like marriage advice books can enjoy (as well as those who do).
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 14. Februar 2000
If you can get past the trite "Seven Fill in the Blank Habits" title of this book, more than likely thought of by the editor and not the author, you will be rewarded by some of the best writing on marriages around.
I bought this book at the recommendation of a friend who isn't even married but thinks so highly of the book that she is using it for a current relationship she is in right now. I bought it expecting yet another "Men are From.. Women are From...." books but have been very impressed with the actionable insight the authors have about the dynamics of relationships and what makes them work.
I've already begun to use the exercises in the book to work with my Wife and am feeling very positive about the results.
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 30. August 1999
The book is based upon scientific research, not oppinion. A VERY positive book. It gave us real hope. Not just another 'feel good' pop-psych book. It takes you inside the conflicts of real couples, and reveals the four marriage-killers, and the seven, very do-able skills to aquire to make a marriage work. I've read a lot of books trying to save my marriage. Some of them had some good things that truely helped. But it wasn't enough help. It never got to the root of the problem, and it left us both feeling like 'we have to completely change ourselves if we want to stay married'. Following the principles outlined in this book is FAR easier and FAR more effective than most other books I've read.
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 18. März 2013
Ich habe die englische Version dieses Buchs gelesen - leider als eBook :-( Da das Buch sehr viele Fragebögen, die man kopieren sollte, und Querverweise auf die Seiten der Printversion enthält, die man im eBook nie und nimmer findet, ist es auf Kindle nahezu unbrauchbar. Zumindest extrem unpraktisch.

Deshalb die Empfehlung: Wenn, dann unbedingt die Printversion bestellen!

Viele hilf- und aufschlussreiche Übungen, mit denen man seine Ehe/Beziehung verbessern oder gar retten kann. Man lernt definitiv seinen Partner besser kennen und mit ihm konstruktiv und produktiv zu kommunizieren.
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am 10. Juli 1999
Saturday, 10 July 1999
Dr. John M. Gottman, I believe, has written one of the finest current books on marital--and even socialization--therapy, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (New York: Crown, 1999.). This has answered some basic questions for me and will help me to be a better registered Dance/Movement Therapist. He derives these seven principles inductively from a variety of assessment tools with actual people, as compared to deductively assuming people should fit some general, sometimes procrustean, principle.
Briefly, I see that his principles and processes bring about energy regeneration to replace energy degeneration, among couples. Without this, there is no intimacy; expectations of intimacy then fail. Yet in "happy marriages, . . . couples tend to know each other intimately." (20, 49, 158, 256) He hits the center, strong marriages "don't just 'get along'--they also support each other's hopes and aspirations . . . ." (23) And principle 7 expands this. (Ch. 11)
The practical benefits of his applications far exceed his brief debunking of much current marital therapy, and his using principles later that he eschewed earlier in the book ("active listening," 9, 11, 87-88, 180), and slang that is not understandable to all ("get-go," 49; "ballistic," 104; "open manhole," 203; and one misspelling "arranage-ment," 198).
Yet he strikes truth echoed by Margaret Mahler and her colleagues Fred Pine and Anni Bergman in The Psychological Birth of the Human Infant (New York: Basic Books, 1976). The passage from dependence into independence and then into interdependence, especially the latter, can often become tortuous, with harrowing fears of abandonment or subjugation, whether it be sensed by two-year olds or adolescents or married couples. Gottman writes that couples' failures at connecting often result from "a disparity between their respective needs for intimacy and independence." (Seven Principles, 92)
Earlier lifestyles are a major factor, and these are often dissimilar. Passage through developmental stages of life may raise painful issues. These shape attitudes which are brash and harsh or softened, weak or strong, nurturing repairs or defensive fight/flight, as found in the emotional schema of one's own body's autonomic nervous system. Especially difficult is the couple's experience, one person of which is dragging with "the four horsemen." (15, 27-34, 62)
Gottman and his stellar colleagues, and also looking to mentors (Viktor Frankl, Irwin Yalom), have assembled a new model and pattern which build strong nurturing through many couples' exercises, such as, "I like . . . about my spouse." (68, 83, 175, 240)
Rereading Seven Principles two or three times brings out the full power of its plan. Readers will be glad they did or wish they could have done so earlier.
Review by Chaplain Dr. Charles G. Yopst, D.Min., D.T.R.
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4 von 5 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 16. September 1999
Among that which I did not like about this book were the rigid statements. I was very uncomfortable with the negativity and absolute and self-righteous remarks. However,I appreciated the notions of "examining your dream", and prioritizing what will/can change and what will be a long term, 'probably won't go away' kind of issue that a couple must accept. That was helpful.
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This is one of the most useful and interactive books I have read in months. I read it twice: first just turning pages to do the true-false questionnaries to see how "strong" my marriage is and second to really read the book. I was struck by the combination of good insights for the "emotionally intelligent" couples to help make their marriages stronger and the straight-out advice for people who have shaky marriages or who quibble over many things (which for them are not insignificant). This is a must read for everyone who wants the most they can get out of, and put into, their relationship with their spouse as a partner, friend and lover. I suggest you skim this book and read the parts that apply to you. Chapters 8 and 10 are particularly good. Many of the problems described in THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK are described as problems that interfere in all relationships in THE 2,000 PERCENT SOLUTION. That book describes the Tradition, Misconception and Communication Stalls that hinder questioning why the way we do things isn't good enough, understanding and trust. These elements are needed to move forward in whatever we do. Read that book too. Take the challenge to improve your marriage. Answer the questions and do the exercised. You will learn a lot about yourself and your spouse. My husband and I have already started.
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich.
am 29. Januar 2000
Gottman and friends are right on when they point out that communication is not the number one indicator of a poor marriage. I don't want to ruin all the wonderful ideas that await you in this excellent book. Buy it for yourself, read it -- and put it into practice!
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