Embracing Our Selves: The Voice Dialogue Manual (Taschenbuch)

This is a book that came for me at the right time: and in (or out of) relationship, any time is the right time. Especially helpful is the advice on taking care of one's [inner] "vulnerable child": 1. Recognize its presence 2. Develop an awareness of its personality, needs and reactions 3. Separate far enough in trigger situations to evaluate 4. Speak up for it in an objective, relaxed fashion

Here are some key do's and don'ts: --Don't put it in position of taking care of itself --Don't give in to all its needs ("indulging in all its feelings") --Don't let it lock into victim mode through over-identification --Do provide its own space, aesthetic and safe --Do use impersonal self to set limits and boundaries, speaking for its needs --Do use one's network of safe friends for support and listening

The vulnerable child is often disowned by the dominant constellation of one's "primary selves." Left to their own devices these often give rise to a variety of shadow selves...with both primary selves and shadows indulging in excess.

"Negative bonding patterns" occur in relationship when the disowned child in each person has to find support externally, and bonds unconsciously with the parent-figure in the other person.

Problems and conflicts inevitably occur. How to deal with them constructively? Awareness is crucial. So while expression of feelings may occur, it's important that it's done consciously rather than hurtfully; using discernment, not judgment. In this dance one must learn to embrace all of one's disowned selves. Also, to understand the dynamic connections between each other's vulnerable selves and the corresponding partner-parent roles. We can come to realize and embrace in ourselves the opposite qualities embodied in our relationships--but in less extreme forms. For such understanding this book is invaluable.

They will keep happening, battles and make-ups, but the aware ego will begin entering earlier to balance the power selves and vulnerable selves, with more choices; so that we relate out of em-power-ment rather than a drive for power; without dominating/controlling or playing victim. The content of conflict becomes neutral, without the usual hidden agenda.

Sound like too much work? It's all a choice. If relationship is the path we take (and how can anyone ignore it forever?), we may avoid much unnecessary pain (for ourselves and others) and discover the greatest growth through maximum discovery and awareness. For such a living journey, Embracing Each Other is the essential guidebook.

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This book teaches you how to create a dialogue between various parts of your personality, who are often conflicted in what they want and need. This dialogue leads, at the least, to more understanding, and often to negotiated settelments where everyone wins.

More than that, the practice develops a state referred to as the "aware ego" which is able to tell the difference between you and your "sub-personalities." Having an aware ego means that you are now free to have your feelings... and... you don't get lost in them any longer. How valuable is that?

This methodoligy has the potential to create great healing among the masses. It can be done with two or more people who are willing to grow, and does not require lenghty training or advanced degrees. Are you capable of a supportive conversation with a friend?

* If you feel dead inside, look here for new life.

* If you feel confused, look here for self-awareness and understanding.

* If you feel an undefined yearning, look here for answers.

P.S. Participating in Voice Dialogue with others is one of my great joys in life. If you would like to visit one of the support groups I sponsor, in either Orange County or Palm Desert, California, please contact me by email at Frank@1x1.com

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