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22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome (Englisch) Taschenbuch – 15. Mai 2009

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A specialized book that will bring solace and encouragement to women in relationships with AS men. -- Library Journal There are many books that have been written about being in a relationship with a man with AS, but I have found none to be as insightful, accurate and understanding of both perspectives as this book by Rudy Simone. Each section of the book says it just the way it is; it is realistic, positive and unbiased. -- From the Foreword by Maxine Aston, author of The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome, Aspergers in Love and The Asperger Couples Workbook The book is concise, well written, and an invaluable reference to women who are struggling in a marriage or dating relationship with an Asperger's man. -- Autism and Asperger Syndrome Blog

Über den Autor und weitere Mitwirkende

Rudy Simone is a writer and Asperger's Syndrome educator who lives in New York.

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1 von 3 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich Von Carola Dörr am 13. November 2013
Format: Kindle Edition Verifizierter Kauf
Viel Mühe mit einem Thema, für das es keine Lösung gibt. Alle angewandten Tricks bringen nichts, wenn der Aspie nicht mag. Ich habe für mich und meine Beziehung nichts lernen können!
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Amazon.com: 129 Rezensionen
49 von 52 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Very Helpful 4. Februar 2011
Von Mary Pissocra - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format: Taschenbuch Verifizierter Kauf
Long before a diagnosis, my husband and I knew that he had Asperger's. It just took the medical community all these years to be able to test and diagnose adults. I found this book helpful and really want to get my husband to read it as well. This author points out that ( depending on the severity of the Asperger's ) the diagnosed spouse or partner CAN learn some things to cope and behave in a more "normal" fashion. I know this to be true because I've known my husband since high school and that's been 30 years. We've only been married for 17 years. I know he can "adapt" when he makes an effort. It just seems that since the diagnosis he is much less willing to "adapt". I think this book will be useful in guiding a conversation between us about expectations going forward. It states the woman's ( or non-Asperger's) side clearly and in a way I think my husband can understand. As is typical for many AS folks, he can receive information; especially information regarding OUR relationship and my emotions much better in written form than he can just listen to me talk. I am very pleased with this purchase, and we've purchased two or three others about Asperger's in marriage. This is by far my favorite.

Wife of an AS Guy.
395 von 468 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Let's be honest here. 31. Juli 2009
Von North Girl - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format: Taschenbuch
Yes, there are some very attractive, brilliant and intriguing men out there who also have Aspergers, and they can make the sweetest dates in the world. But the majority of women, NT or not, who marry an aspie man end up having one or more children with some form of autism *and* being the de facto sole caretakers and coordinators of the household. Most of these women will end up with major depression and one or more autoimmune diseases from never having their own light reflected back at them as time goes on living with someone who is almost completely unreciprocal but who is supposed to be your life partner.

Books such as this one and "Going over the edge" by Kathy Marshack are lifelines for such women because leaving their marriages tends to be logistically, emotionally and economically insurmountable. (Try doing it with a special needs child, depressed, economically stretched and socially isolated, Cassandra.)

But I have a problem with publishers who aim to present the books of these authors as rah-rah solutions, or as how-to-have-a-successful-marriage guides. These are books on how to cope with a seriously challenging and dehumanizing life situation. And they are written red flags to those who haven't yet gone to the altar or had kids. Want the boiled-down version? Here it is:

***You can have a decent life with a man with Aspergers. Just do not expect anything from the marriage and be prepared to be the one doing all of the giving and most of the work. Make your own friends, because he may not have any and is likely to either avoid yours or behave strangely in front of them. Focus on how unique he is, how cute and smart and quirky he can be. Strive to understand the way he looks at the world. Be willing to teach him and explain things. Every day.***

Does this sound like a success story to you? It isn't. If it were, these authors wouldn't have poured their guts and knowledge into books to get the word out. And thank heavens that they've done so.

(And yes, Aspie guys can be as giving as the next person, sometimes moreso. The difference is that in marriage and affection you will need to tell them what to do, when and how to do it. (i.e. "You have to sleep with me once in a while. I need you to comfort me when something really bad has just happened. You have to acknowledge me when we're in the same room / eat with me for some meals", etc.) ...Then you will need to tell them again a few days later. For years. (Readers of publisher's reviews read: "But don't give up! You want to make your marriage work, don't you??")
46 von 51 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
No help to me 2. März 2014
Von Venesa - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format: Kindle Edition Verifizierter Kauf
This book is well written and honest, but only tells you how to cope with a man who has Asperger's. How to bend to his needs in order to keep the peace. I've been doing that with my husband for 25 years and no matter how I bend to his ways he still finds ways to be angry at everything in the world.

There is no advice on how to get what you need emotionally and physically or how to make communication easier, other than going out with your girlfriends and keeping yourself busy with activities that don't involve your husband. I'm wondering what the point is of being married to him is then. I'm thinking that these are all things you can do without an Aspi husband and then you can come home to a peaceful empty household. In other words divorce or don't marry an Aspi to start with.

I've read just about every book on Asperger's out there and I'm starting to believe that the reason there isn't any advice on how to help your Aspi husband to give you what you need is b/c he isn't capable of being "helped." This book could be written in one sentence. Put up with him and whatever heartache he gives you.

There are many women who don't particularly need to have their husband's attention, don't have a need for physically intimacy or calm communication with their husbands. I know women married to neurotypical men who would rather be out with their friends than with their husband. If this is you, then you'll be okay with the advice in this book.

For me, I was looking for pointers, things I could do or say that would help keep my husbands anger down and maybe some pointers on helping him to be comfortable with intimacy and how to talk to him about any topic without him starting a fight. If I find the book that actually helps me with these things, I would be forever grateful.

UPDATE: After posting this review I did some research on the author and discovered that she has Asperger's as well. This would explain why her book strongly leans towards simply accepting the problems that occur, she can accept them b/c she personally has the same problems. I would not have purchased this book if I had know that it was written by a person who has Asperger's. The books that I've read by people with Asperger's are void of the concern and help that I'm searching for and I thought that of this book as well. I think she left that fact out on purpose knowing that it would effect her sales of the book. This is very unfair to neurotypicals looking for advice from other neurotypicals who can actual help them. I changed my rating from four stars to one b/c I think leaving this fact out was extremely dishonest.
60 von 73 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Great Help! 16. Juli 2011
Von Maggie - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format: Taschenbuch
I am an NT female married to an undiagnosed Aspie male. This book provided me validation and relief. The weight that has been lifted from my shoulders is indescribable to say the least. As a Christian, I have anguished over ending my marriage many times, family and friends think I should leave but I stayed due to my love for Jesus and felt that while I wanted to leave, which I am financially and physically able to do, I needed to wait on the Lord to provide me guidance. I am thankful that I waited on the Lord and ignored all the outside influences and my own emotions. This book has changed my view of my husband, our relationship and myself. I talked to my husband about Asperger's Syndrome/Disorder and he was very receptive and actually looked relived. He has experienced a lifetime of emotional distress that has had a profound effect on his life and how he relates in relationships. We both seem to be more comfortable with each other and are looking forward to a future together. While the future isn't what I had hoped and dreamed of in a partner, it is a hopeful future that will be different and have challenges but that's life. I saw myself and husband in just about ever chapter. This book is a must read. Rudy, Thank you for writing this book and Jesus Christ for guiding me to read it.
64 von 80 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Not helpful if you need a guidebook 9. August 2009
Von LizaG - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format: Taschenbuch
There really is a dearth of literature to provide helpful guidance to the woman who has discovered her husband has Asperger's Syndrome. So I belive that publishers are rushing texts into print to capitalize on this shortage. There is clearly a need and a market for self-help literature, in part because there is so little help from a couples therapy approach. This book should have found a life as a well edited magazine article. But the content is too thin to have merited life as a book with a cost over the approximate cost of a Psychology Today issue. The 22 observations have varying applications - some to single women and some to married women.

Just read the index for free and get the substance of the book.
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