Soul Sex: Tantra for Two: Tantra for Sexual and Spiritual Pleasure [Englisch] [Taschenbuch]

Let's get one thing straight before we start. You don't have to have a sex partner, or even a sex life in our society's understanding of the term, to study Tantra.

"If Tantra were just sex, my donkey would be my master," said Abhinavagupta, a Tantric master of the tenth century. This is funny, because donkeys are known to be well-endowed, but in any case the misconception has persisted. The word Tantric as applied to sex has rejuvenated the marriage manual over the last twenty years. Tantra is not sexual technique, it is a genuine spiritual practice, a rather iconoclastic one.

For centuries Tantra was anathematized in India, just because it recommended nothing and condemned nothing. Many there still believe its practitioners eat dead babies and what all. They are not entirely without reason--the famous Thugs were a Tantric sect, a murderously misguided one. There is no central Tantric authority, a Tantric Pope or College of Cardinals, to say this can be done but that can't. And so anyone can use the word Tantra to describe their practice, and practice itself can include anything and everything. What gives Tantra a special kick for the Western mind is that it is spiritual, and it doesn't exclude sex. That's different from the spirituality we're used to.

What many people think of as a Taoist or Tantric approach to sexual relations is concerned with prolonging sex from start to finish, that is, from foreplay to ejaculation. The goal is to bring satisfaction to the female partner, who often needs more time than the man to reach it. Naturally a happy wife makes a happy couple, but many men regard the prospect of this kind of thing with dread. Not only does postponing or worse, eliminating ejaculation look difficult, it threatens to take away most of the fun. Women may view it with a jaundiced eye because they've had their hopes raised so often in the past, only to be dashed over again.

And yet it can happen during sexual relations that for a moment or for hours, the partners, both of them, feel a oneness with all things which is infinitely poignant because it feels like the state we were born to live in all the time, our original nature. There is such peace and timeless beauty here that all questions are answered and all wounds are healed. It is a state of spiritual grace, and it goes beyond all goals. Tantrism and Taoism propose ways to reach this state in sexual union, but sex is very much not the only way they propose. In any case it is no small undertaking. At the very least it requires practice. It also requires time, two hours at least and more if possible, which means that the average couple's normal time-slot for sex will not suffice.

Where does that leave the modern Western consultants, the ones who write books and offer workshops of a day or more?Pala Copeland and Al Link are two such persons who have experienced the timeless ecstatic state and offer to help other couples reach it too. They suggest ways to practice, they provide pictures, and if the reader wishes, he or she can enter the supportive environment the authors provide at their Canadian centre. There, partners can take advantage of the chance to spend more than seventeen minutes, or the continental average, making love. What they actually do with their time, and how they prepare, is the material of this book.

The authors make it clear from the outset of this rich and compassionate work that they are committed to their relationship as a spiritual practice. Everything that arises between them is an opportunity to deepen awareness. This makes them a genuine Tantric couple. Sharing their experience with others is the natural outflow of their commitment. The activities they propose, whether their own creations or gathered from other sources, have all helped them to `push the envelope', grow beyond the self they think they are.

There are too many of these to list but they include heart talk, breathing, massage, positions, orgasm, the chakras, moving subtle energy or `ki', rituals, and a rather imposing set of questionnaires meant to help you uncover the truth about your sexual attitude and conditioning. The whole is truffled with apposite quotations from William Blake to Zsa Zsa Gabor. A lot of reading has been done, but the result is not academic or overpowering; we simply find the occasional pearl.

There are many sexual exercises, a lot of practices with a meditative flavour, a good deal of the kind of explanatory talk that helps you to relax and feel grounded, and several personal stories and confidences. When Al and Pala talked on page 174 about how they learned, together, the challenging skill of circulating hot energy rather than letting it blow off in a discharge orgasm, they spoke to me.

I especially enjoyed their attention to relationship issues and ways of dealing with the "stuff" that creates hurt and dissension when it is acted out. If students of Tantra get one thing out of the work, it should be this. Another key subject is the meditative attitude--how to learn detachment from mental events and remain in the here and now. It is clear that the authors have the knowledge of both meditation practice and psychology behind them. This is reassuring. One thing you don't want Tantric training to be is centred on performance, sexual performance least of all.

Do the authors provide easy-to-learn steps that anyone can follow to Tantric bliss? No they don't, and that's good. But are they sex-positive and encouraging? You bet they are. The illustrations and personal anecdotes are pertinent and fun. Do the authors understand that Tantra is more than sex? Do they know that couples may have to deal with obstacles in their relationship, or undergo deep healing before they are able to reap the benefits of a Tantric approach? Do they realize that everyone's experience is different but that the key to ecstasy is awareness--being here and now--and a loving heart? Yes to all these. Their work is based on personal experience, and they have met the obstacles they describe.

Tantra is intensely personal because it teaches the use of every situation in life to attain the natural honesty and spontaneity which reflect our true nature. The path takes commitment. If it is for you, and if you are active sexually, Pala Copeland and Al Link would be excellent coaches.

We stumbled across "Soul Sex: Tantra for Two" when scanning through various sex manuals trying to learn more about sacred sex and tantra. Most books on tantra appeared to be cheap raunchy treatises on kama sutra sexual positions, or alternatively overbearing theses on mantras, meditation and complex Eastern Philosophy. But there in the stacks along with the sleaze and the sermons was a delightful alternative that beautifully wove together the concepts of sexuality, love, soulful living and spirituality. Although tantric sex is a hot theme throughout the manuscript, its focus is more on relationships, personality development and unconditional love. The key lessons this book stresses are about learning to trust, surrender and open one's heart to one's partner, and that these are the ways to spiritual lovemaking and transcendence. According to the authors, there is no goal in tantric lovemaking, rather only purpose, and that purpose is union, and through union each can achieve transcendence. Another key point is to realize that fantastic sex does not come from a great sex partner, but your own ability to let yourself go, and to focus your attention on the moment. True passion comes from a keen capacity to both give and receive love fully. There are also various creative practical exercises, within the book, aimed at reducing sexual inhibitions and negative sex attitudes, enhancing expressions of affection, solving relationship difficulties, reflecting on one's life goals, improving communication during lovemaking, ejaculation mastery for men and orgasm enrichment for women, promoting sexual playfulness, generating heightened sexual energy both individually and jointly, and learning to move that energy throughout one's body using relaxation, breathing, concentration, mantras and rituals. Perhaps one of the most genuine and refreshing aspects of this book is the gentle and seductive way that the authors, Pala Copeland and Al Link, have provided insights about tantric lovemaking by revealing various critical steps or missteps in their own ongoing tantric journey. The authors set by example the means to achieve sexual openness by opening their hearts to all who truly read this book. By so intimately sharing their knowledge and experience, Pala and Al show that they not only have achieved transcendence in their own sacred sexual practice, but allow this wisdom to transcend to their readers/students. We would recommend this book to any couple who want to grow together in their relationship and add more intimacy and passion to their sex life. The information in this book is priceless!

Soul Sex: Tantra for Two deserves a prize, both for the quality of its writing and the choice of material making up the content. No, it's not for titillation, but for holistic relationship building and physical/spiritual bonding that this book is valuable. If anything, the occasional black-and-white photos are downright unappealing. But on virtually every page is an inspiring and fresh articulation of just what is missing in so many of today's ordinary love relationships. The authors are well-versed in the literature of contemporary Tantric teachings, and they also bring an obviously well-experienced perspective from their own relationship journey. The book is so comprehensive, in fact, that often the writing skips rather too quickly over the many methods for deeper, more intimate and more spiritual connection. Or, maybe that's as it should be: not a blueprint for ecstasy, but rather a collection of points that might be stimulated further with the reader's own creativity. In the meantime, there are profound truths to chew on, such as the following:

The arbitrary separation of body, mind, and spirit in most cultures is an intellectual, psychological, and emotional tragedy of incalculable proportions. This error of judgment has been the cause of great suffering for countless generations of people. It is now time for sexual healing that can only be possible by reuniting sexuality and spirituality. (p. 15)