111 von 115 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
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Being an avid reader, I'm appreciative of good writing for writing itself, which I appreciated reading this book, but for practical purposes, being a new parent, this book was very vague. The basic message during the first 3/4 of the book was, "Treat your own depression and get therapy so you can be a better parent." OK, nothing new there. It was not until the last 1/4 of the book that the author gave a few concrete examples of how to "parent from the inside out." Therefore, this book may be more appropriate for a college psychology course than a practical parenting book.
I made a few notes of key paragraphs for me to review as my daughter grows up:
"Every day we miss opportunities for making true connections because instead of listening and responding appropriately to our children we respond only from our own point of view and fail to make a connection to their experience. When our children tell us what they think or how they feel, it is important to respect their experience, whether or not it's the same as our own. Parents can listen to and understand their children's experience rather than tell them that what they think and feel isn't valid.
The following examples may help to illustrate these ideas. Imagine that your child is riding his tricycle and falls off. It looks to you more like a a surprise than an injury, but he starts crying, to which you respond, `You're not hurt. You shouldn't cry. You're a big boy.' Your child feels hurt, whether it is his body or his pride, and yet you tell him that his experience isn't a valid one. Now consider how the child might feel if you gave a contingent response: 'It surprised you when you went over that bump and you fell off onto the grass. Are you hurt?'
Or let's imagine that your child enthusiastically expresses a desire for a particular toy that she has seen advertised and you respond with, 'Oh, no, you don't really want that--it's just a piece of junk.' Your child just told you that she does want it, which doesn't mean that you have to get it for her, but you can acknowledge her desires. 'That toy really looks like it would be fun to play with. Tell me what you like about it.' If she continues to insist on getting the toy right away, you can say, 'I see that is is hard to wait when you like it so much. Maybe you want me to write it down so when it is time to get a present, I'll know what you might like to have.' When parents understand that they can let their children have and express their desires without having to fulfill them, it frees the parent to make a connection to the children's experience without having to deny their feelings.
If verbal and nonverbal signals communicate different messages--are not congruent--the overall message will be unclear and confusing. We are getting two different and conflicting messages at once. Suppose a mother is sad and her daughter, picking up the nonverbal signals, asks, 'Mommy, what's wrong? Did I do something to make you sad?' and with a forced smile, her mother replies, 'Oh no, honey, I'm not sad, everything is just fine.' The child will feel confused because of the double message. Her experience is informing her of one thing while the words of her mother are giving a contradictory message. If there is a mismatch between the verbal and the nonverbal, it can be quite disorienting for a child trying to sort out the confusion and the inconherence of the communication.
Our children benefit when we express our feelings directly, simply, and in nonthreatening ways. A child wants to know not only what his parents think but also how they feel.
It may be useful to recall that the belief that the self is defective is a child's conclusion, arising from noncontingent connections with parents. Realizing that 'I am lovable' is important."
I would also recommend going over pages 88, 186-192, 205.
For a more practical parenting book, I would recommend, "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline." The title of the book is actually not reflective of the fact that the book's purpose is really to encourage parents to understand themselves better in order to "discipline" children lovingly, respectfully, with appropriate boundaries. The book gives concrete examples that parents can use every day.