My Life So Far [Kindle Edition]

*****

Jane Fonda's "My Life So Far" is an atypical celebrity memoir. It is intelligently and beautifully and gently written, extremely introspective, and not primarily about the author's celebrity associations (although she does address them), but instead about the maturing of a woman who lived during a fascinating time in American history. After reading this book, I have great respect and admiration for Jane Fonda, an imperfect woman from whom I have learned a great deal through this autobiography.

"My Life So Far" covers the author's involvement in the Vietnam War in great details---her perspective may surprise some readers who have relied solely upon the media for their information. The author admits her mistakes with the wisdom of hindsight. She details her political activities and the reasons behind them. For those who hate Jane Fonda, of whom there are many, I recommend this book as a solution if they want to move beyond their hatred to understanding, whether or not they agree or disagree with her choices. The memoir has a tone of brutal honesty; I was touched and I do believe that the author is a very different person from her public persona. It is also excruciatingly intimate---it is a rare glimpse of a woman's life---raw and open. If you go in for that sort of thing (as I do), this memoir will appeal greatly to you. An additional theme of this book is Jane's struggle to live her life "embodied"---in her body, owning her own voice and opinions---topics that will appeal to many women.

The author shares her experience being objectified as a woman in her first marriage for her looks and sexuality, and then in her second marriage, for her intellectual prowess and political activities. During her third marriage to Ted Turner, she at last discovered her voice, but the marriage did not survive it.

Because of Jane Fonda's experiences and the path she has traveled, she now devotes her life to helping girls learn what it took her a lifetime to discover---things in areas relating to adolescent pregnancy, sexuality and parenting, and teaching girls to "respect, honor, and be themselves". What a journey, what a read! It's a long book (624 pages) and very satisfying. Highly recommended for introspectives, especially women.

*****

You can't bring your own prejudices and misconceptions to the table for this book. If you read with an open mind, you'll hear about a life not so different from any woman's. Who among us didn't make mistakes when we were young and eager to find a place for ourselves in the world? Now imagine if your every misstep made national news.

Many of us can identify with growing up with an emotionally stunted father and the damage that does to a young girl's psyche (not to mention having a mother who commits suicide and a variety of stepmothers, some wonderful, some not so), how she becomes too eager to find approval in the arms of a variety of men whose demands reshape her personality, even her appearance. As she herself admits, she becomes the reflection of each of her husbands, the sex kitten for Vadim, the political activist for Hayden, the glued at the hip companion for the neurotic Ted Turner. Where is the real Jane? Even she wants to know.

And all the husbands cheat on her, and she is as devastated and hurt as we commonfolk. I was surprised, imagining movie stars had so many options, they could quickly move on. It is a puzzling life, to be able to be naked on a movie stage and fake intimacy with another actor, and then be able to feel betrayal and pain when you find out your husband is cheating on you. When you step in and out of fantasy and reality like that all your life, how can you blame her for letting her political activism and visit to Hanoi get out of hand? It was another role, and she is well aware what it cost her, although she proves in one chapter that one-on-one, she is willing to face the Vietnam veterans who so hate her and by the time it's all said, everyone is hugging and crying together.

I sped-read through much of her political activism and charity work, not finding that too engrossing, but the whole Ted Turner relationship was amazing and answered so many of my questions. He is an amazing man (who was terribly, terribly abused as a child and marked by it) who gives a woman so much, but in exchange demands more than any woman can give back and remain sane. And he's incapable of fidelity. He goes on TV now and says it ended because she became a Christian, but he's kidding himself. It ended because she wanted space to spend with her children and grandchildren and he can't give whoever is his constant companion any space.

And living with Hayden in a little house full of other people, how awful is that? Man, she put up with a lot.

It is most definitely a book for women, so I am looking cross-eyed at any of the rabid negative reviews posted by men here. No way you actually read this book.

Some folks, after more than 35 years, are still fuming about "Hanoi Jane" to the extent that a few can't resist writing a lousy review of a book they never read.

They give her dramatic protest more credit than it deserves because Jane Fonda continues to serve as a lightening rod for their hatred.

A little reality check is in order, here. Fonda neither initiated the anti-war movement, nor supervised it, nor stood alone in opposing it. Many millions of others, including hundreds of thousands of Vietnam veterans and their families, stood with her to help bring the Vietnam War to an end. Duh.

Fortunately, "My Life So Far" is the story of a woman who appears to be considerably more complex and forgiving than her critics.

This biography must certainly have been a difficult one to write. Those of us who have feared we are way over the hill, however, just have to look at Fonda's willingness to undertake a difficult journey toward self-discovery, to find a role model against which to measure our own mature lives.

Okay, Jane Fonda was a rich, well-educated kid whose father was a movie star. Snore. Since time immemorial we have looked to the larger-than-life for a glimpse at the universal qualities and lessons those lives embody. In this distillation from the general, they become emblematic -- little cautionary tales featuring wealth, royalty, beauty and great outfits on a world stage.

I suppose it gives us a little frission of comfort, too, to know that regardless of money, gorgeousness and yadda yadda, some of these people have been visited by the bad fairies more often than we have. Some live to tell the tale. Fonda is one of them.

Jane Fonda had a magical childhood for a few years, but her parents' mental illness ultimately took their toll. Her lovely and enigmatic mother committed suicide as Jane moved into puberty and her father, who suffered from lifelong depression, maintained an emotional distance that proved extremely painful and damaging for his children. Their lives, in fact, were marked by repeated and determined efforts to please the sometimes cold and bitter critic they loved (he essentially was a very good man, Fonda says) and internalized.

In Fonda's telling, her life has since been marked indelibly by an urge sacrifice herself for the approval of the men she loved, one of whom, Tom Hayden, as opposed to Jane herself, was one of the most outspoken theorists behind the early anti-war movement. She both grew and suffered from the consequences of these relationships, in any case, and was less less true to who she was and is than might be considered healthy.

She discusses all of this -- childhood; grief; marriage to three gifted and nearly overwhelming men -- Roger Vadim, Hayden and Ted Turner; sex and love; her children; betrayal; eating disorders; professional success; emotional disfunction, political activities; public and private humiliations; Hollywood galore, and much, much more in a search for the patterns in her life that brought joy and great pain to herself and those around her.

This is the story of a life. You may no like it. You may be hung up on "Jane Fonda Reds," an undeserved persona that nevertheless inspired millions (sorry, folks, I was one of them), ultimately damaged her career and left her woefully misunderstood and even hated by many of her countrymen and former fans.

While Fonda was being publicly skewered, I must point out, Hayden was elected to public office.

Some sensed then and since that Jane Fonda had much more to say than the public was willing to hear. Now she has spoken from her head and heart and I, for one, am grateful.

So thanks, Jane. You were always a cutie, an icon, smart as a whip, sometimes lost, sometimes wrong headed, often apparently dissolved into the lives of the men you loved. But you were also brave as a terrier, soft as down, and tough as nails. Now, finally, you are YOU. I enjoy your company.

Peace, sister. And, um, who does your makeup?