Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships: Amazon.de: John Gray: Englische Bücher

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A classic and unique self-help book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus tackles the perennial problems faced by couples everywhere. Gray tells an allegorical story of the Venusians and the Martians who move to Earth, having enjoyed wonderful and fulfilling relationships with one another for many years. However, as soon as they arrive on this planet, amnesia sets in! They can no longer remember that they are from different planets and all sorts of communication and emotional problems set in. Written in an unpretentious and jargon- free style, Gray's tactic of using "Venusian" and "Martian" to refer to the two genders (and he does comment that these roles are not necessarily based on sexual biology) avoids the dead-end path followed by so many people, of using sweeping statements such as: "men always…" or "women just don't understand…". Instead, he says: "Remember, Venusians are from a different planet, therefore…" or, "Martians need…" This in itself is worthwhile tactic, removing blame-culture and shifting communication onto a new level where it is OK not to be on the same wavelength all the time and not to automatically understand all your partner's needs. His new naming strategy even manages to be amusing, in a way that many books in this area can fail to be, although the writing tends towards over-simplicity at times.

He discusses every aspect of relationships--but most importantly he does this in practical ways. For example, he lists common statements that a person in a relationship say to their partner, what that person intends them to mean and what the person to whom it is directed actually hears, or thinks they mean. Gray goes on to suggest ways to say what you intended that are more appropriate for the Venusian or Martian audienc--he even compiles lists of translations of common male/female exchanges.

Each chapter takes situations from either the Venusian or Martian side, making the book easy to dip into, as well as enjoyable to read cover to cover. The case for each interplanetary race is put simply and in a very down-to-earth manner, and the book avoids trying to be too clever for its own good.

Some tips from the book: Venusians take note--Martians also have monthly cycles of emotions, and need to retreat into their "cave" every now and then, so Venusians needn't feel shut out when their favourite Martian retreats without a word. The Martians could help by telling the Venusians that while they are retreating right now, they will soon be back out and they will then discuss any concerns the Venusians have. Martians should be reassured that, although Venusians climb down into their well every now and then, it is not that the Martians have hurt them--they too are taking time out. Their favourite Venusian will be back soon, ready to re-embrace their closeness.

The personality of the author shines through, the tone of the book being helpful, friendly and non-judgmental, kind and well-meaning, although the self-help strategy of repeating and summarising points results in the book seeming somewhat directionless. It is nevertheless an essential title for the bookshelf of every self-respecting self-help addict, and is a good place to start for the curious. It does also have some real gems of wisdom and new strategies--all in all, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a star guide to understanding the constellations of coupledom. --Alison Jardine

From Library Journal

Couples counselor Gray addresses the topic of male-female relationships with humor, insight, and understanding. Author of What You Feel , You Can Heal (Heart Pub., 1989), he offers practical advice on understanding the opposite sex and achieving satisfactory relationships. He argues that we must accept the fact that men and women have different values, communication styles, and intimate needs, then offers practical tips on avoiding painful arguments, asking for support, and communicating during difficult times. His "Venusian/Martian" phrase dictionary lists statements made by men and women and the ways in which they are often misinterpreted. Written in a light tone that keeps the reader's interest, this is a very helpful source for couples trying to keep love alive. Recommended for self-help and therapy collections.
- Demetria A. Harvin, "Hospital Medicine," New York
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc. -- Dieser Text bezieht sich auf eine andere Ausgabe: Gebundene Ausgabe .

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This Book Is Profoundly Destructive 7. Oktober 1998

Von shirleykeller@worldnet.att.net

Format:Gebundene Ausgabe

The entire contents of John Gray's books repeat the same tired old anecdotes and dogmas. In his view, men are mute, dumb, inarticulate cave-men who can only comprehend mindless action-activities as a form of bonding, i.e., sports, butting heads, hanging out with 'buddies' over a beer, etc. In the bedroom, they are rapacious savages-- demanding and poor at satisfying their partner's needs. Men put out love in relationships only to get sex. Women, in his view, are on the other hand moronic complainers, seeking a warm body to shelter them. Women put out sex in relationships only to get platonic love and protection. Women, in his view, far from being intellectual, want to pour out their feelings endlessly; we just want to talk, not act, according to Gray's quackery. The solution, he holds, that will enable these two inadequate and polarized psychopaths to survive in a marriage, is MUTUAL SELF-SACRIFICE. Men, be patient if she is a frigid, passive complainer who leans on your protection in return for love. That is simply the nature of women. Women, tolerate his ape-ish habits, patiently sitting through a football game, or washing dishes while he retreats mutely into his anti-social "cave." As you can see, John Gray's... ideas do not represent serious phychology or serious research. His ideas do not promote mental health and self-improvement, only mistaken characatures of men and women. His feel-good psychology, which evades personality problems and psychotic behaviors, under the guise that they are merely "masculinity" or "femininitiy" is pathetic and dumbed-down. Don't buy his books. Instead, check out Dr. Ellen Kenner, Dr. Nathaniel Branden, or Dr. Edith Packer. They offer solutions, not self-sacrifice.

His book should be renamed "Psychopathic Women Are From Venus and Inadequate, Stupid Men Are from Mars." Don't buy the book if you have an above-average I.Q. or an effective, normal personality.

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Let's just add more fuel to the fire 16. Juli 2000

Von Ein Kunde

If you and your spouse aren't getting along before reading the book, look out - the sparks may just start flying faster after reading it! It is filled with bad advice. As a woman, I found it insulting that my husband just has to pretend that he is listening. Greys basic advice to men - make her believe she is being heard - it doesn't matter if you are thinking about the football game etc., just nod, grunt and say uh-huh - that's all she requires. Even if you make the effort to hear (I won't even mention the word listen) it doesn't matter, she's just babbling on and on anyway. And, that's all the communication the relationship requires, because as a male you don't really have any thoughts or feelings to share yourself. If you can even talk. Hello - Real communication comes from the mutual desire of both parties to understand each other- which requires active, HONEST listening and verbalizing by both parties. Secondly, he believes that all men must retreat into their caves and must NOT be disturbed - especially by a bimbo - or look out the caveman might just come out with his club. He is very unfair in dealing with both genders' capacity to communicate with each other. I think the information in this book has the potential of making a strained relationship worse. We stopped reading it. We were beginning to argue about the things in the book - thinking the other person was possibly doing the stereotyped activity - i.e going to the cave - not wanting to be disturbed, not listening, etc., when it wasn't the case at all. It literally provided more argumentative material for our "discussions". Obviously, I don't recommend this book. We have done much better without it.

The popularity of this book scares me. 31. August 1999

Gray's theory could be summarized as this, "Men, when faced with a problem are obsessed with solving the problem. Women, when faced with a problem become frustrated and overwhelmed and need to talk about the problem without having to deal with solutions. While this may be the case in some, even too many, women, it is not the response of a healthy intelligent woman.