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Love Relations: Normality And Pathology (Englisch) Taschenbuch – 30. März 1998

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This text examines the success and failure of sexual love in couples, from adolescence to old age.

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That sex and love are closely associated is hardly debatable. Lesen Sie die erste Seite
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7 von 7 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
relationships on the couch 18. November 2002
Von Gregg Silk - Veröffentlicht auf
Format: Taschenbuch
An excellent book on relationships from a Freudean perspective. People without any background in the jargon will find it slow reading, but it is a lean book. For the average person, they won't benefit from it until they have been burned in relationships with people that have emotional problems, but for folks that have been around the block once or twice, much of this book will be startlingly clear. Freud is like scotch - you appreciate more as you get older. Also, this book explains why a person may have a satisfactory sex life in college during a period of rebellion, but then "settle down" to a loveless marriage with someone who will take turns acting like the guilty, pouting destructive child and the punishing, negligent parent rather than an autonomous adult.
16 von 20 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
you may be better off with Erich Fromm.... 19. Mai 2001
Von Craig Chalquist, PhD, author of TERRAPSYCHOLOGY and DEEP CALIFORNIA - Veröffentlicht auf
Format: Taschenbuch Verifizierter Kauf
....if you're looking to understand the psychology of love--for this book is mostly about its sexuality and psychopathology, with the usual psychoanalytic references to penises, superegos, and Oedipal conflicts.
Not that these don't imbue every romance. But the constant references to them throughout the analytic literature get one wondering about a sort of theoretical perversity, a morbid preoccupation with the shadows of love to the cost of illuminating its joys and burning passions.
Though a brilliant thinker, Kernberg occasionally shares the analytic tendency to be centuries behind everyone else. For instance, he recognizes his debt to Stoller, who maintains that erotic love must have "mystery," and to Balint for his emphasis on "tenderness." Nor will the reader gasp in admiration to learn that self-love and love of others develop together and enrich one another. Sorry, but these are NOT revelations--except to a discipline so tradition-bound that only its own coinages are acceptable currency. (Methinks analysts could learn a lot from the Vatican's attitude toward Galileo.)
Nor will the tiresome equation of homosexuality with unsatisfactory object relations prove helpful, least of all to LGBT couples.
Kernberg shines best here in discussing narcissistic and superego influences on relationships. He also makes the case that society tends to attack love relationships, which for that reason need to fortify and ground themselves.
If you're looking for more, I recommend the generally non-reductive ART OF LOVING by Fromm.
4 von 4 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Both useful and profound 8. November 2003
Von Samuel T. Goldberg - Veröffentlicht auf
Format: Taschenbuch Verifizierter Kauf
What is Mature Love? This profound question has been discussed never more deeply than in Plato's dialogues, "Phaedrus" and "The Symposium", about 390 BC. In Plato, eros may manifest first in the physical attraction for another person, but ultimately has a much broader power and significance for the human being, leading progressively through the love of the whole person, to the love of nature and of the forms of Justice and "Beauty itself". Ultimately, the highest expression of eros is the shared love of wisdom, contemplating ideas in the life of philosophy.

Borrowing heavily from Plato, Freud in the early 1900's also conceptualized eros broadly, but as a biological drive he called "libido". He saw a continuity, from the infant's attachment to its mother, progressing through various stages and manifestations in growth and development all the way to adult romantic and sexual love. In the healthy personality, libido undergoes "sublimations", by which it attaches to substitute objects and forms character- traits, whether in the habits of discipline in work, the playfulness of friendship, or the creativity of artistic expression.

A psychoanalytic discussion today, its primary purpose being to help people suffering from personality and relationship difficulties, would focus on how the psychology of an individual permits of inhibits stable, gratifying love relationships. Otto Kernberg, in his book, "Love Relations, Normality and Pathology", (1995), delineates five components or stages of mature love, which may be viewed as a progressive if not hierarchic development. 1. First would be the desire for the other person manifested in sexual attraction and excitement. Here one must struggle with unrealistic longing for fusion and symbiotic oneness, progressing toward an acceptance of separateness and differences. Being in love is like mourning, searching to overcome separation and grieving, striving to re-unite. Ultimately, the person in love (unconsciously) seeks to regain the remembered or fantasized relationship with the idealized parent which has been lost. 2. Hopefully, the sexualized attraction can incorporate constructively in its service the aggression that is inevitable in any intimate relationship The successful integration of erotic and aggressive urges issues in tenderness, where love predominates over aggression, and the person is able to tolerate the ambivalence which is normal in even successful relationships. 3.Identification with the partner includes a deep empathy for his or her gender identity; one can imagine how it feels to be the partner, deepening the resonance and stability of the relationship. Here, one can integrate good and bad representations of the partner into a realistic "whole representation" which permits shades of gray. One thereby gains the capacity for concern, sadness and guilt, feeling the need to make reparations for the hurts one may inflict. 4. With mature idealization of the partner, being in love enriches the self and fulfills one's own ideal self. Loving the other for herself or himself manifests one's own best self. Being loved in return by the partner confirms one's longings to be valuable and good, and offers reassurance against the destructiveness of one's own competitiveness and aggression. Idealizing the value system of his or her partner in ethical, cultural, and aesthetic dimensions promotes the integration of one's own moral functioning at a higher level. In relating to the cultural and social background of the partnership, one invests in something larger than his or her selfish interests, and transcends the self. 4.Finally, there emerges genuine passion. Crossing the boundaries of the self in the physical relationship and merging with his partner, one accepts the risks of abandonment, of hurt, and of one's own aggression. Loving interactions reconfirm one's own goodness. "Making a commitment to a shared, co-constructed future, a joint-life with common ideals, values and aspirations, the couple consolidates the meaningfulness of a life worth living."

In lively, vivid clinical examples, this book validates Freudian-derived object-relations concepts brilliantly. Erotic forces and the conflicts they engender powerfully shape personality, relationships, and experience of life.The serious student of humanity will find in these pages enlightenment and depth.
3 von 3 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Surprisingly Accurate in Many Ways. 30. Dezember 2005
Von Bernard Chapin - Veröffentlicht auf
Format: Taschenbuch
Love Relations is a book that exists at the mid-point between pop and professional psychology. A real strength of Kernberg's is that he is able to write in a comprehensive manner which is not sabotaged by a lust for jargon. I do think there is one internal problem within the text that I should mention sooner rather than later: his observations are light on the "normal" and heavy on the "pathological." Remarks specific to the whole are what is of most use in analyzing love relations, and I know, from trying to find quotes to use for my own work, that much of his passages are in reference to hysteria and narcissism-- which makes it far more difficult to develop an overall view of romantic and familial interactions. I was rather surprised that many of Kernberg's assumptions are not discordant with those of evolutionary psychology which, it becomes more clear with each day, has far more to say about the world around us than anything from the psychoanalytic school. Other than the time I recall his referencing the discredited Money study from the seventies, Kernberg is in the vicinity of the truth on many occasions. Furthermore, the individual cases of couples he references are very interesting even though they are too brief. On the whole, this is a solidly educational work which contributes to our aggregate knowledge of that most wondrous of human states.
Looking back, This is still the BEST book on the subject 22. Februar 2014
Von Robert M. Gordon, Ph.D. - Veröffentlicht auf
Format: Taschenbuch Verifizierter Kauf
I am a psychologist and a researcher. I have published in the area of the psychology of love. I bought this book when it first came out, and now looking back I can say that this is the best, most profound book on the subject. It is a must for any practitioner working with love and attachment issues. Intelligent laypeople will see the difference between Kernberg and pop-psych books. It is especially useful in understanding how a disturbed individual can go from an intoxicating idealizing love to total devaluing.
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