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Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager [Kindle Edition]

Anthony E. Wolf Ph.D.

Kindle-Preis: EUR 8,53 Inkl. MwSt. und kostenloser drahtloser Lieferung über Amazon Whispernet

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This is a survival guide for parents who find themselves marooned among volatile and incomprehensible aliens on Planet Teen. Area maps cover the obvious ground--there are chapters on school, sex, suicide, and so on--but it's the title of Chapter 2, "What They Do and Why," that best captures the book's spirit and technique. Anthony Wolf's modus operandi is not so much to make pronouncements about what parents should do, as to explain adolescent behavior in a way that's bound to leave parents with a changed view of the plausible options. Wolf is a clinical psychologist, and his writing is clear--even witty--and he doesn't resort to jargon. The expository text is punctuated with snatches of illustrative dialogue, which serve as concrete examples and help parents learn how to see, anticipate, and avoid "bad strategies." (One key mistake is getting dragged into no-win conflicts instead of having the wisdom to shut up at the moment when shutting up would be most effective--albeit the least satisfying--thing to do.) There are also some nicely tongue-in-cheek samples of "ideal" communication--the stuff we imagine might get said if only we were better parents. After one such rosily cooperative and considerate interchange between a father and his adolescent son, Wolf offers the following two-edged comfort: "The above conversation has never happened. Never. Not in the whole history of the world." Message: Parenting adolescents is inherently difficult. Don't judge your efforts by otherworldly standards. --Richard Farr


"Funny, sound, and compassionate, Get Out of My Life will truly help you talk with your kids and not get mad . . ." --Beth Winship, The Boston Globe

Get Out of My Life has Spock's common sense, the insight of Freud, and the wit of Bombeck. I welcome this book." --Dorothy Zeiser, Ph.D., Chairman, Department of Child Study


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Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf (beta) 4.6 von 5 Sternen  195 Rezensionen
133 von 142 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
3.0 von 5 Sternen Where are the consequences? 22. April 2008
Von VRhodes - Veröffentlicht auf
After several recommendations by friends with teens, I've almost finished this book after a couple of days of reading. Helpful points include the reminders to not engage in pointless arguments and to state my position clearly and concisely and not to lecture. My problem with the book is the lack of any apparent consequences for bad behavior. Teen comes in an hour past curfew? Re-state the appropriate curfew time and move on. Teen lies about grades on homework? Overlook the lie and re-state expectations about homework. Teen calls parent a f-ing b*tch? Ignore the name calling and remain silent. While I agree it creates ongoing conflict to call kids out on these behaviors and punish them, I think that is a necessary part of the landscape and to think otherwise is unrealistically permissive.
73 von 77 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Defusing parental anger 26. Januar 2006
Von V Helmbreck Mascitti - Veröffentlicht auf
After raising two and a half teens (my older kids are in their 20s, my youngest is 13) I have to admit that very few childrearing books prepared me for the insanity of the teenage years. Except this one.

I don't think the book is that magic bullet guide we all thought must exist somewhere. But Wolf's observations and suggestions are among the most realistic and common sense ideas I found. He suggests we learn to live with the ultimate reality of kids: They are individuals who will, in the end, do what they want. This doesn't mean their parents should give up or give in. It also doesn't mean that our standards of behavior can't be high or consistent. We must only be willing to acknowledge that they will not always be met and that this process is crucial to growing up.

I found this approach took much of the anger and frustration out of parenting for me. I stopped seeing my kids' resistance to rules and instruction as a personal rejection of my life, my hard work and my ideas. Rather, I came to see it as their own exploration of the world by testing the limits of behavior. Many of the most valuable lessons they learned came from the mistakes I would have liked to have prevented -- but didn't. Teaching them that just because they broke a rule didn't mean that the rule changed or my love for them was somehow diminished helped us all survive without losing our self esteem or respect.

In the long run, learning how to balance guidelines and freedom is the trick of being a parent. Being a rigid authoritarian may feel like the right thing to do at times, but short-term cooperation is no substitute for longterm responsibility and respect for the individuals our children will be -- no mater how well or how badly we raise them.
37 von 40 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Survival Guide that has actually led to my survival 16. September 2004
Von 1eupho - Veröffentlicht auf
I spent my childhood as a male, 'only' child. This did not prepare me for my current situation: the father of multiple female teenagers. I used to cry out to the universe "WHY, WHY, why me? what did I do to deserve to be subject to this abuse?" Mr. Wolf provided the insights into teenage psyche that has allowed me to survive the daily test of wills. He asserts that teenage girls argue with parents not to win, but simply to argue: It is their method of staying connected to parents while expressing independence. I found this to be exactly true. My blood pressure has even retreated to 'pre-hypertense' from the 'imminent stroke' range. I simply refuse to argue, using 1 word replies like 'no' or 'whatever'. I could go on and on with simple realities of teen years I learned from this book. It is an absolute must-have.
32 von 34 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Let your teens read it also 14. April 2004
Von Ein Kunde - Veröffentlicht auf
As a therapist who specializes in adolescents, I have recomended this book to dozens of parents. They all love it and always recognize their teens. I tell parents to let the teens read the book also, they do, they laugh, they learn. It is the best book about teens I have ever read or used in my practice.
48 von 54 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen a compact guide for real life families 13. Dezember 2002
Von Ein Kunde - Veröffentlicht auf
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
This is the best how-to-parent-a-teen book I have found, after reading quite a few. It is succinct and humorous and covers the situations that really happen to parents and their teen aged kids. This book gives the best advice I've seen on how to reduce conflict, how to avoid unecessary conflict (he gives explicit advice on how and when to pick your battles), and how to handle conflict when it does occur, as sometimes it must. However, this book really convinced me that a lot of parent/teen conflict is unecessary and superfluous to really trying to raise a good kid into a good adult without trashing the relationship and spending several miserable years. It shows how we often react in a way that negates our true intentions, and gives better options for interacting. I have gone back to this book a number of times and I always come away feeling I've gotten advice that I can put into practice with real (and positive) results. I think my son and I are happier and closer as a result of this book.
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