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If You Had Controlling Parents
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As Edmund Burke said, "The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse." This is sometimes excruciatingly true with parents. There are the typically anxious ones who get a little uptight about letting their teenagers borrow the car, and then there are the rigid kinds who won't even let their kids leave the house when they want to--or even eat or go to the bathroom when they need to.
Written for the 14 million adult children who've survived an upbringing with the latter type of parents, If You Had Controlling Parents takes the classic Toxic Parents to a new level. Author Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., a family therapist, knows his subject thoroughly; he survived a childhood with a father who has the candor to refer to himself as "an S.O.B."
Neuharth says, "If your parents controlled you in unhealthy ways, they may have planted land mines in your psyche." Research shows that behaviors and traits exhibited by adult children of controlling parents include the following: depression, low self-esteem, distorted self-image, eating disorders and other addictions, stress-related health problems, inability to sustain an intimate relationship, and more. While this may seem like a heavy lot to handle, Neuharth maintains there's always hope of overcoming the past and changing yourself--even if it means making the drastic move of cutting off contact with one or both of your parents.
He gives a lengthy self-test to determine if your parents were controlling; gives profiles of eight typical styles of controlling parents to help you better recognize how you may be presently affected by your upbringing; and then delves into the process of understanding why your parents acted the way they did in order to start healing emotionally. This is especially important, he says, if you now have children of your own and want to stop the damaging cycle of parental control. He doesn't give a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all recovery plan, but rather suggests several "paths to healing" and exercises to help you, as he terms it, "emotionally leave home." The book's subtitle--"A Guide for Letting Go of Anxiety, Self-Blame and Perfectionism and Improving Assertiveness, Boundaries and Confidence"--says it all. This is self-help at its best. -- Dieser Text bezieht sich auf eine vergriffene oder nicht verfügbare Ausgabe dieses Titels.
From Library Journal
Although the term "controlling parent" most often brings to mind a domineering parent, there are actually several ways in which a parent may use control. Labeling the types as smothering, cultlike, abusing, using, depriving, perfectionistic, chaotic, and childlike, Neuharth describes the characteristics of each, giving examples. The emphasis is on understanding parenting behaviors and their effects, as the author asserts that understanding is the key to future therapeutic success. The final section describes some steps, e.g., emotionally leaving home and writing down one's experiences, as coping techniques. These ideas are not innovative, but, as self-help materials are always in demand, this would be a beneficial purchase for most public libraries.?Susan McCaffrey, Haslett H.S., MI
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. -- Dieser Text bezieht sich auf eine vergriffene oder nicht verfügbare Ausgabe dieses Titels.
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. -- Dieser Text bezieht sich auf eine vergriffene oder nicht verfügbare Ausgabe dieses Titels.
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Einleitungssatz
Healthy parenting is simple: Raise children well and set them free Being a healthy child is also simple: Play, learn, grow up, and leave home But while both job descriptions are simple, neither is easy. Lesen Sie die erste Seite
Buchdeckel | Copyright | Inhaltsverzeichnis | Auszug | Rückseite
Healthy parenting is simple: Raise children well and set them free Being a healthy child is also simple: Play, learn, grow up, and leave home But while both job descriptions are simple, neither is easy. Lesen Sie die erste Seite
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1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Format:Taschenbuch
This book is one of the best self help books I have read in a long time. It dealt more with the emotional than the physical abuse in childhood. I have always had a hard time because to me emotional abuse specially when mixed with religion can be so easily justified in your mind. You can feel like "something is really wrong here", but then in the same breath say "well they love me so much and are just obeying God and what he requires of parents". I have been eaten up with guilt for the rebellion against my parents that I displayed as a teenager. Now though I realize I rebelled against their control, not against them inorder to hurt them or make them miserable. I read this book, started seeing a therapist and confronted my parents and let me tell you how much freedom I feel for the first time in life. I actually feel happy, and a great sense of hope. What do I owe my parents? Why am I so fearful of hurting their feelings? Why can't I just do what is healthy for me? The book answered these questions and the exercises were wonderful. We need more books like this one because obviously there is a problem in parenting that needs to be looked at and changed fast! Kids are becoming more violent, less respectful of authority, and completely losing any conscience what-so-ever. So if I can break the generation sin that has been passed down for generations, then I am thankful I was put in the home I was put in and strong enough to SURVIVE!
1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Format:Taschenbuch
I read this book in just a few days and I'm so glad I did. It helped me finally clearly see the problems of my childhood. I felt before that I had somehow gotten stuck while I was growing up. But aside from a vague feeling that my parents hadn't let me express myself much, I felt that *I* was flawed and had somehow messed things up for myself. I didn't make the connection until I read this book. It brought everything into focus for me, and I see now that my parents fit the descriptions of controlling parents to the letter. I answered "yes" on all but a few of the quiz questions. I can look back and see things now so clearly, how my parents controlled, limited and confused me in just about every aspect of life. I thought normal parenting was that way before, having nothing to compare it to. It helped me to validate my own experiences as a victim, and stop feeling that I was just over-reacting or too sensative. Society seems to say so strongly that it's wrong to blame others for your problems, that it's the easy way out - finally this book says that it's ok, and it's the truth. And yet the beauty of this book is that it doesn't condemn the parents who control their children. I came away from the book with a feeling of sympathy and kinship for my parents as children who went through horrible and painful childhoods of deaths and beatings and abuse. And I feel that one day after I have fully worked through my anger and pain of how my childhood was, I can forgive and find peace with my parents because now I understand why they were the way they were.
1 von 1 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
Format:Gebundene Ausgabe
I have been dealing with the damage caused by my controlling parents since I was 18. All my friends use to tell me, " It's in the past, get over it". Easy for those Jocks to say. My parents(both dad and "GOD FEARING" mother)used to say the classic lines: I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I WILL TAKE YOU OUT, HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER..FOR YOUR DAYS SHALL BE LONGER, and my favorite YOU OWE ME LIFE. My biggest fears of getting married and having kids was that one day I will find myself saying one of those phrases to my children. Thanks to this book..I won't. The problem with people who grew up controlled(like myself) is that you find yourself doing the same thing to your siblings, your friends, or even your own children. Thats what happened to me. I could also write a book title "MY PERFECTIONISTIC BEHAVIOR and the FRIENDS I LOST. Kudos to Dr. Neuharth and thank-you for providing the book with exercises to help in the healing process. You are definetly a life-saver. I'm going to purchase the cassette also so I can play in my car and hear the good doctor's voice.
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to the reader in usa
This is to the reader whose head was smashed against the wall by an irate mother: I feel for you. I know how much more it maddens a person when others say that the parent at whose... Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 24. Dezember 1999 veröffentlicht
Life-saving
Dealing w/ suicidal thoughts, not getting to a counselor, but getting thru it like i usually do, now i have a life to look forward to after hearing the audiobook. Lesen Sie weiter...
Veröffentlicht am 14. Dezember 1999 von saved my life too
A book to understand sibling rivalry in "adult children"ÿ
I am a fifty-one year old single parent and college professor who, on the outside, appears to have a successful life. Lesen Sie weiter...
Veröffentlicht am 20. November 1999 von Carol Huston, Ph.D.
Life Changing - Enlightening - Awakening!
This book is perfect for those who are ready to understand how their parents controlled them so that they may regain control of their own lives. Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 26. Oktober 1999 veröffentlicht
so glad i read this book
when i started realizing how bad i was raised, i realized that i do not want to bring up children the way i was brought up. Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 26. Oktober 1999 veröffentlicht
A Wonderful Book
It is amazing how well this book described my family. Control that was not as extreme as the author's examples, but rather, broad-based helped me realize that I had a problem that... Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 27. September 1999 veröffentlicht
Eye-opening catalyst for acceptance of my life
Dr. Dan Neuharth certainly detailed my life. Until I read this book, I struggled with the question of whether I was normal, and if I wasn't what next? Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 23. September 1999 veröffentlicht
Tremendously healing & thought-provoking book!
So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 9. Februar 1999 veröffentlicht
Instead of resolving bitterness, the book provokes anger
I bought the book in the hopes of making peace with my past. Instead, I found myself more angry than ever about what happened to me. Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 8. Februar 1999 veröffentlicht
Good overview of issues - but buy Toxic Parents first
I would recommend this book to those that have problems from childhood or those that experience acting out behaviors like anger, controlling behaviors, etc. Lesen Sie weiter...
Am 3. Januar 1999 veröffentlicht
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