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How to Fight Presidents: Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country [Englisch] [Taschenbuch]

Daniel O'Brien , Winston Rowntree

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18. März 2014
Make no mistake: Our founding fathers were more bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and-tea.
 
As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life. Theodore Roosevelt had asthma, was blind in one eye, survived multiple gunshot wounds, had only one regret (that there were no wars to fight under his presidency), and was the first U.S. president to win the Medal of Honor, which he did after he died. Faced with the choice, George Washington actually preferred the sound of bullets whizzing by his head in battle over the sound of silence.
 
And now these men—these hallowed leaders of the free world—want to kick your ass.
 
Plenty of historians can tell you which president had the most effective economic strategies, and which president helped shape our current political parties, but can any of them tell you what to do if you encounter Chester A. Arthur in a bare-knuckled boxing fight? This book will teach you how to be better, stronger, faster, and more deadly than the most powerful (and craziest) men in history. You’re welcome.

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DANIEL O’BRIEN is the head writer and creative director of video for Cracked.com, the coauthor of the New York Times bestseller You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News, and senior writer on The De-Textbook.

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Amazon.com: 4.5 von 5 Sternen  102 Rezensionen
31 von 34 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen One of the most unique, entertaining and insane books I have read lately! I loved it. 24. Januar 2014
Von Joseph J. Truncale - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Vine Kundenrezension eines kostenfreien Produkts (Was ist das?)
I do not like or trust most politicians ( I think at least 99.9 % of them are corrupt and/or dishonest, and most are actually dictators in disguise), but the title of this book really sparked my curiosity. Finally, a book about politicians (How to Fight Presidents: Defending yourself against the bad##### who ran this country by Daniel O'Brien). (If you wonder why I did not spell out the word in the title- it is because the Amazon censors would not publish my review with colorful earthy words, believe me I know). In any case, this book pulls no punches as it provides an unusual brief historical evaluation of 38 of our former presidents. This book is fantastic on many levels. First off, the writer has an incredible sense of humor and wit as he describes each president's ability to kick their enemy's butts both physically and intellectually.

The introduction: "You'd have to be crazy to want this job" emphasizes the type of person who would be nuts enough to want to be President of the United States. He moves on to one of the toughest presidents both physically and intellectually. Out first president, George Washington was tough on the battle field and as president. Some of the many other American Presidents he covers include: John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant, Teddy Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, and Ronald Reagan. The author has really researched these presidents and provides a lot of information which many people may not know about some of these politicians. This book is informative, irreverent, unique and even hilarious at times.

Just a word of caution to those poor souls who get might get upset at reading certain colorful and earthy words describing some of our president's physical toughness and lusty ways, GET OVER IT! One of the things that I loved about this book is how the author described each president in such a way that they seemed to come alive. Many of them seem like regular people who you could go out and have a beer with, and even possibly engage in a friendly fist fight over their political philosophy. Personally, there are only a few that I might be worried about in a real fight, but you should keep in mind that one of my nick names in my younger days was "Mad Dog."

In conclusion, if you want to read a true fun and enjoyable book about some of our presidents, you need to check out this volume. I loved it. It is a well-written and expertly researched volume.

Rating: 5 Stars. Joseph J. Truncale (Author: Never Trust a Politician: A critical review of politics and politicians)
20 von 22 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
4.0 von 5 Sternen Great gift for the teenage boy to get him to read some history 7. Februar 2014
Von Daniel Berger - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Vine Kundenrezension eines kostenfreien Produkts (Was ist das?)
I thought, when I saw this book’s description, that it sounded a lot like Cracked.com, a website my son turned me on to. There’s a good reason for that: the author is one of the website’s editors.

Cracked.com specializes in fact-based (albeit the facts heavily stretched) articles about things retold as one teenage kid might tell it to another. And that’s what this book is. If you’re a teenage kid, and you’re talking about the presidents, it’s not at all unlikely that you are concerned with this question: Who, among them, was the biggest badass?

The author, and my son, think Teddy Roosevelt was, and his chapter in this book makes a decent case why. This is a guy who punched out a cowboy pointing two guns at him; a guy who proceeded to give a 90 minute speech after an assassin put a bullet in his chest but failed to kill him.

The book is a fun read in the way a Ripley’s Believe It or Not book is, or was. Things are joyously hyped, tons of stuff is left out, it’s not authoritative or balanced or serious nor does it pretend to be, but there is enough of a core of truth to make it a not horrible way to get the teenager in your life to read some history.

It’s fairly risque. The author is fascinated by LBJ’s unique habits of showing people the body part he called “Jumbo”; going to the toilet in front of them to emphasize their subordination to him; and once urinating on the leg of a Secret Service agent who got in his way.

Kennedy’s sex life gets a good workout, of course – as does his PT-109 exploit, in which he towed an injured shipmate miles through the sea by a strap held in his teeth.

Washington leaves the author in awe: he plunged into battle often, getting bullet holes in his clothing while convinced nothing could kill him. The author falsely suggests that Washington, in some nearly mystical way, moved the Continental Congress to war by showing up in uniform at a time when most of them hadn’t yet accepted the necessity for it. (Washington badly needed the job and it carried a fair amount of prestige; he wore the uniform to remind them who he was.) He also makes a bit too much of Washington’s lack of qualifications to be a commanding general; he’s been a mid-level officer in the French and Indian Wars, and it’s not like the colonies had a whole lot of British generals at their disposal.

But the author also finds admirable traits in presidents who weren’t soldiers or fighters. John Adams proved his cojones, in the author’s eyes, by not only representing the five British soldiers accused in the Boston Massacre, whom the city was ready to lynch, but by getting them off. Adams was a fierce debater, preferred verbal combat, and didn’t care who liked him.

Jefferson gets kudos for sending the Navy and Marines overseas to fight the Barbary Pirates – the nation’s first overseas war, asserting the nation would no longer pay extortion tribute – and telling Congress about it afterwards.

James Madison was a hundred-pound pipsqueak, but was the only president to fight while in office, firing two handguns at the British during the War of 1812 when they sit his house on fire.

The book's title premise is pretty silly: that you're getting all this information so that you can decide how to best to fight him. LIke if if you have to fight Jimmy out by the flagpole after school, and consult Ralphy how best to take him. Fortunately, O'Brien doesn't waste too much time on this, and saves most of it for the presidential anecdotes.

So who do I think was the alltime badass president? Andrew Jackson, and the book makes, in my opinion, an even better case for him than for Teddy Roosevelt. He fought 13 duels – that we know of, there were probably more – facing death each time and inflicting it most of those times. When nearly 70, he nearly beat to death, with his cane, an assassin whose gun misfired (twice) while pointed at Jackson. (And a little later fired perfectly.) While only 13, he’d fought for the Revolution and escaped English captivity by running barefoot 40 miles. While also suffering from starvation and smallpox. (This is why you want rednecks in the U.S. Army.)

It's the stuff of Chuck Norris. 'Nuff said.
9 von 10 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
4.0 von 5 Sternen Ever Wonder Which President Could Kick Your Behind? 30. Januar 2014
Von S. Rudge - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Vine Kundenrezension eines kostenfreien Produkts (Was ist das?)
Neither have I, which makes this biography of the men who have occupied the U.S. Executive Branch so interesting. With this history book you are not going to hear "Hail To The Chief" played as the majesty of the office is enumerated unless of course you are hearing it after Zachary Taylor or John Quincy Adams have beaten you so hard the little birds are tweeting it.

Of course there are the Iron Men like Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, George Washington, Ronald Reagan and Andrew Jackson, but there are also some lesser known beasts like Herbert Hoover, Lyndon Johnson and James Madison. Just so you don't think every president is going to veto your skull, there are even a few who you might be able to take in a fair fight (not that you will get one with some of these villainous pantywaists).

Every president is covered in a short 4-5 page essay with one full page WWE style illustration and a smaller one later in the essay. Only dead presidents are covered in the book. You will have to draw your own conclusions about the last five if you ever have to get in the ring with one of them. For all the silliness involved, there is actually quite a bit of good information and quality research that went into each of the essays. I'm ashamed to admit that I've never pursued any study of some of the lesser known presidents so the sum total of my knowledge of guys like Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, and John Tyler come from this book. I actually found the bios of these guys (amazingly 30% to 50% of the book) to be the most interesting and fun to read.

The only drawback with the book is some of the language, largely mild, and the generous descriptions of bodily functions makes the book somewhat young reader unfriendly. This is too bad because the engaging narrative would be perfect for pre-teens learning about US presidents. As it stands it is a quick, funny read if you have any interest at all in which presidents you could take in a fight and from which you should beat a hasty retreat.
6 von 7 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen "Historicomedy" is a great word for it 17. März 2014
Von Brian Connors - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Vine Kundenrezension eines kostenfreien Produkts (Was ist das?)
To those who remember Cracked as a Mad Magazine knockoff, this book will confuse you. To everyone else, this is a long-form version of why people read Cracked.com - it's an antidote to stupidity and bad information wrapped up in a very entertaining package. They've become a strong ally of the skeptical movement in the last few years, outstripping Mental_floss as a trivia site and making learning a lot more interesting.

You might be expecting a book of listicles, but this really isn't. Cracked headwriter Dan O'Brien and cartoonist Winston Rowntree of "Subnormality" fame travel the well-treaded "things you didn't know" trivia road with a totally insane premise (see the title) and goes through all the (currently dead) presidents to discuss the more ass-kicking aspects of their histories, and definitely casts a new light on a few of them. (Except for Millard Fillmore. Fillmore is the same lame joke here as he is everywhere else in our culture.) As you might expect, a lot of this might need to be taken with a grain of salt (JFK using sex as fuel might be a bit of an exaggeration but not by much), but it's still very entertaining, informative, and utterly ludicrous reading.
3 von 3 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Let's get READY TO RUMBLE with the Presidents! 2. Februar 2014
Von Joe Owen - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Vine Kundenrezension eines kostenfreien Produkts (Was ist das?)
Daniel O'Brien has written an amusing and refreshingly honest history of the Presidents of The United States from George Washington to Ronald Reagan. However, he rates these Presidents on how well they would of done in a fight. As Mr. O'Brien has noted our founding fathers were more "bandanas-and-muscles than powdered-wigs-and tea. Each President Mr. O'Brien has written about has a few pages of their history. He is honest in his opinion of not only how the Presidents would do in a fight, but their brief history as President. For example, Mr. O Brien who talked about Andrew Jackson, who as a prisoner of war was forced to walk several miles barefoot across state lines, despite the fact that he had smallpox and his head had been recently sliced open by a British Officer when he refused to shine his boots, and he was ONLY 13 at the time! Each chapter assumes two things: 1. You are face to face with a former president of the U.S. and 2. he is very ticked off at you! Also Mr. O'Brien gives a brief backstory of the Presidents such as "does he have any serious fight training? Is he just out and out crazy? You will be suprized (or maybe not) on how many Presidents were just a "touch" bat guano crazy!
Some of the chapters of the presidents are titled:
- George Washington Cannot Tell a Lie: You're in for a World of Pain
- James Madison: Will Go Medieval On Anything Bellow Your Bellybutton
- John Quincy Adams: Is the ugliest President ever to Beat You to Death
- James K Polk: is Ready to Polk Your Eyes Out
- Abraham Lincoln: is Like a Slave-Freeing Mr. fantastic in a Sweet Beard
- William "The Eatin Cretin" Taft: Will Devour the Competition and 27 Other Fat Jokes
- Warren G. Harding: is Desperate to Prove He's good at Something
- Gerald Ford: Can't Fight You Until He Finishes his Battle with Gravity
The other assessments of Presidents are just as funny. These are honestly candid views and history of the president. Be warned, the language is ADULT. This book is not for "the sensitive". It is funny, it is brass, and it is absolutely correct! This is a book that would be great in a high school U.S. History or Government Class, but if a teacher used in a classroom then they would get fired because of the language the author uses. However, this is a book that the students would NEVER FORGET! It is a great introduction to the history of each President. It is a great "jumping off point" to get deeper into a President's history and biography. I found myself laughing out loud more than a few times. The author has an intenese dislike for Martin van Buren and the chapter on him is hilarious!! This is a great book to have if you are into Presidential History. Have a sense of humor though, it is not for the easily offended. This is a book for those of us who do NOT worship and idolize the Presidency, but have an admiration of it. Even with its blemishes and blunders the Presidents of the U.S. are pretty tough! A great book! The author who enjoys presidential history is also the the head writer and creative director of "Cracked" Magazine so you know it really is a humorous and honest accounting of the "toughness" of each President!
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