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I was not physically or sexually abused as a child. What I did not understand was how pervasive and harmful the emotional NEGLECT was and how it still affected me as an adult. What I learned from this book was how much I had been deprived of as a child. How feelings of fear and anxiety as an adult could be the result of childhood experience. After reading this book I was left with a very strong desire to attend a self help group. I attended my first ACoA group in October 1988 and my life has gotten better in ways I cannot put into words. This book for me was not the answer but a trigger to seek further help. But if I had not had this trigger I would not be where I am today. In the context of a trigger, I can honestly say that this book changed my life in a very profound way.
The parental conditions he lists that tend to stifle the child within are: chemical dependence; co-dependence; chronic mental illness or disabling physical illness; extreme rigidity, punitiveness, judgementalness, non-loving, perfectionism, or inadequacy; child abuse--physical, sexual, mental-emotional and/or spiritual; denial of feelings of reality.
Spiritually abused adult children, even if no physical abuse ever occurred in conjunction, tend to have experienced co-dependence (boundaries are crossed and roles are mixed up in unhealthy ways), rigidity, judgementalness, perfectionism, and denial of feelings of reality, in addition to the description he gives for mental/emotional/spiritual abuse.
He develops heirarchical list of 20 human needs, drawing from Maslov, Miller, Weil, and Glasser, and develops the concept that in order for a human being to be whole and healthy and ready to follow a truly spiritual path, these needs must first be met, in order of most basic to highest potential. Most basic, of course, survival and safety; highest potential is unconditional love (including connection with a Higher Power.)
He explains the cycle of shame and low self esteem, and maps how healthy boundaries are crossed by all in a shame based family.
He describes the role of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and it's treatment.
He then describes the steps of healing; no step can be skipped in order to reach true "Genesis (Spirituality)":
Begin to deal with core issues, identify and re-experience our feelings, go through the process of grieving, integrating, and finally, spirituality.
If you have experienced spiritual abuse in your life (as a child or adult), or aren't sure whether you have, but relate to these issues, then this book is a MUST READ!!!!
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