Dream New Dreams: Reimagining My Life After Loss [Kindle Edition]

I was among those who watched Randy Pausch's last lecture on YouTube and bought the book when it came out. It was the story of an inspirational man who loved the life he built for himself, learned things along the way, and died too soon.

Jai Pausch's book provides another angle on the story. Her tale of being a caregiver is heartbreaking, and inspiring in its own way: taking a role you never wanted and would have done anything to avoid, but doing it to the best of your ability, trying to repair your life afterwards, and making the most of the opportunity in tragedy.

I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who has fallen into the caregiver role for a loved one, especially a loved one living with, or dying of, cancer.

The promotional materials compare this book to Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. Trust me, Dream New Dreams is a far, far better book. I found it to be not better written, but more affecting, more emotionally resonant, and more likely to be helpful to those in similar straits.

Randy and Jai Pausch were married in 2000 and had three children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe. In 2006, Randy was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer "just shy of his forty-sixth birthday." He had surgery and aggressive follow-up treatment that left him gaunt and debilitated. In July 2008, Randy passed away. "Dream New Dreams" is Jai's poignant account of her relationship with Randy (whose book, "The Last Lecture," was a phenomenon), his two-year battle with the disease, and Jai's dedicated work on behalf of organizations such as the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network.

The author would like health professionals and society as a whole to be more "concerned about the people who struggle to carry the medical burden while also meeting everyday demands." She sees the need for a "network at every oncology clinic" to assist those who are trying to manage complicated cancer care at home. Jai and Randy were lucky to have concerned family and friends, a good income, and access to the excellent physicians. However, not everyone is so fortunate. There are too many relatives of cancer sufferers who feel isolated, bewildered, and overwhelmed with responsibility. Jai asks, "Who will care for the caregiver?"

Jai writes touchingly about her romance with a man who was "a serious [computer] scientist and an intellectual, but not a snob." Randy had a sense of fun and playfulness and swept Jai off her feet with his kindness and sincerity. After their wedding, the couple settled in Pittsburgh, where Randy was a popular professor and researcher at Carnegie Mellon. Jai was 34 and Randy forty when they started their family. Little did they know that they would have less than a decade together.

"Dream New Dreams" is eloquent, candid, and gracefully written. Jai makes clear that she and Randy were not saints who never exchanged a harsh word. There were bumps in the road and an occasional argument, but they understood one another and did what they could to nurture and protect their children during Randy's illness. This was no easy task. Randy had to travel to get treatment and he wanted his wife by his side. Jai lost sleep, had to take on arduous nursing duties, and became physically and emotionally exhausted. Fortunately, Jai and Randy developed a strong support system to assist them with the many challenges that they faced.

Jai Pausch leaves us with a hopeful message. Although she and her children will always remember Randy with love, they have begun the process of healing. In addition, they are following Randy's wonderful example of looking for the magic in life every day.

I read Randy's last lecture and watched his video on Youtube. He was an amazing man. I cannot imagine losing him.
Jai was kind to share her story - it really resonated with me after my son lost his father to cancer. There is "the person on the other side of the fence" and her best advice is that you may think you are doing a great job at juggling so many things or making so many important decisions on your own but you are doing the best you can and you have to give yourself a break. It was truly encouraging to hear how she and her family emerged from their grief to find their own magic. Thank you for sharing!
This book is a wonderful read - you won't be able to put it down!