It is a consultant truism that, for change to occur, it must work on three different levels: a rational level, an emotional level and a political level. The change has to be right, it has to feel right and it has to meet the needs of the key stakeholders. In saying this we are exploding the myth of scientific management and of the rational organisation that obeys well defined scientific rules. And with it comes the recognition that organisations comprise of people.
Unlike machines, people need to take part, they need to be informed, consulted and motivated. All these involve conversations, some of which are difficult. Too often we shy away from difficult conversations, thereby leaving critical issues unaddressed.
Difficult conversations are difficult because are a tangle of facts, emotions and perceptions. However small adjustments in our assumptions and in the way we engage can greatly improve the chances of success.
According to the authors, difficult conversations take place at a rational, emotional and identity level. Even at the rational level we make mistakes. We assume that we are talking about what is true and not what is important, and we assume that we know the intentions of others.
This book provides a conceptual framework within which to understand difficult conversations. It also provides the tools and techniques to handle and diffuse a conversation and convert it into a 'learning conversation'. It shows how to use the third story, a neutral statement from the outside, to start a conversation and illustrates techniques for exploring the issues and solving problems. The examples are real and realistic. They showing how the inappropriate responses do lead to escalation and they are used to coach the reader through the alternatives.
In the early eighties, in "Getting to YES" the Harvard Negotiation Project showed us how to negotiate interests and not positions, Ten years later the sequel, "Getting past NO" showed how to initiate such a win-win discussion with a reluctant party, the negotiator who had not read the first book.
"Difficult conversations" is the latest in this series. It tells you how to open the dialogue even when you are one of the reluctant parties. It deals with the conversations we avoid, or which, when we don't avoid them, tend to escalate. This book is useful both in management and in everyday life. "Getting past YES" sold over three million copies. It would be a pity if "Difficult Conversations" sold any less.
