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Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most [Kindle Edition]

Douglas Stone , Bruce Patton , Sheila Heen , Roger Fisher
5.0 von 5 Sternen  Alle Rezensionen anzeigen (3 Kundenrezensionen)

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Produktbeschreibungen

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We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman

Amazon.com

We've all been there: We know we must confront a coworker, store clerk, or friend about some especially sticky situation--and we know the encounter will be uncomfortable. So we repeatedly mull it over until we can no longer put it off, and then finally stumble through the confrontation. Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen, offers advice for handling these unpleasant exchanges in a manner that accomplishes their objective and diminishes the possibility that anyone will be needlessly hurt. The authors, associated with Harvard Law School and the Harvard Project on Negotiation, show how such dialogues actually comprise three separate components: the "what happened" conversation (verbalizing what we believe really was said and done), the "feelings" conversation (communicating and acknowledging each party's emotional impact), and the "identity" conversation (expressing the situation's underlying personal meaning). The explanations and suggested improvements are, admittedly, somewhat complicated. And they certainly don't guarantee positive results. But if you honestly are interested in elevating your communication skills, this book will walk you through both mistakes and remedies in a way that will boost your confidence when such unavoidable clashes arise. --Howard Rothman

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2 von 2 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Ausgezeichnet 26. März 2011
Von Satya2009
Format:Taschenbuch
Mit hat das Buch sehr viel gebracht: aufschlussreich, absolut praxistauglich und auch noch spritzig und unterhaltsam geschrieben. Leider wird es anscheinend in Deutsch nicht mehr verlegt.
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5.0 von 5 Sternen Read and use regularily for reference 6. April 2014
Von 0dB
Format:Kindle Edition|Verifizierter Kauf
Read this book and a lot of messages will surprise you. For example, you will learn how self-centered we are when we think we should be expecting something from somebody else and how this blocks getting what we want. You will learn how to get away from that.

And be sure to pick the book up again before you face a difficult conversation.

This book has been a very great help for me in getting issues resolved without bad feelings for any party. Even just skimming over my notes and highlights before a difficult conversation removes tensions I am bound to have and puts me into a more constructive mindset.
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5.0 von 5 Sternen On having good conversations 8. Juli 2013
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
This book is based on the famous Harvard Method for negotiating but more focussed on everyday conversations. Great insights and easy to read. Also contains many excercises to check and develop one's own ability to Deal with difficult situations.
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Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.6 von 5 Sternen  142 Rezensionen
34 von 34 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen No matter who we are, we all have difficult conversations too often, that don't go as well as we would like. 11. Januar 2011
Von Blaine Greenfield - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch
A book on CD called to me when I saw its captivating title: DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS: HOW TO DISUCSS WHAT MATTERS MOST--written and read by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen.

The fact that Patton was one of the authors also caught my attention, in that he was the coauthor of one of my favorite books on negotiations, GETTING TO YES!

This effort covers such topics as dealing with your ex-husband who can't seem to show up reliably for weekends with the kinds navigating a workplace fraught with office politics or racial tensions, and saying "I'm sorry" or "I love you." No matter who we are, we've all had to have similar conversations and too often, they don't go as well as we would like.

DIFFICULT CONVERSATONS at least makes them easier by providing such useful advice as the following:

* Use "and" to help you become clearer; e.g.,, "I understand what you're saying, and I feel this way."

* Put things on the table without judgments.

* Saying "I feel" will cause the other person to be less likely to argue with you.

* Postponing a conversation can sometimes be helpful.

* Sometimes, actions are better than conversations; e.g., going to a mother's home rather than always being asked, "When are you going to come home?"

* People are more likely to change when they don't have to.

* If you don't have a question, don't ask one; e.g., "Are you going to clean the refrigerator?" vs. "Please clean the refrigerator."

And this one final tidbit, which I have personally found very useful: Be careful when making judgments. It is easy to say, "Spanking is wrong," but a better way to say this might well be, "I believe spanking is wrong."
25 von 25 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen In my top three recommended books 7. Dezember 2010
Von straykatstudio - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch
This book (the 2000 version) saved my sanity once and got me through a very stressful family time. Not only did it help with my relationships, it helped me to think about the problem in a different way that gave me greater peace of mind and clarity of thought and purpose. Everyone on the planet should buy, not borrow, this book, and read it every year.
19 von 20 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
4.0 von 5 Sternen Very pragmatic 18. September 2013
Von Nik E. - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch
I like this book. It doesn't presume that it will solve your problems. It acknowledges that the other party has to want to participate in fixing the problem. It basically just tells you techniques on how not to make the situation worse, and what will likely lead to an improvement.

After reading it, the problems don't seem less daunting, but I do feel more confident knowing what mistakes I've been making in the past. I used to be the type who thought if I had the loudest and most fear-inducing bark, then I'd be sure to get my way. I figured out after a number of shouting matches hurling hurtful words that that doesn't work. Eventually, I became the type to avoid arguments altogether believing they weren't worth it, and whatever problem it was, I'd have to live with it (b/c from my experience no matter what is said or done people are going to see only their point of view and therefore not desire to accommodate me). That made me miserable. I became the most passive aggressive person you'll ever meet, lol. I wouldn't bother to have a conversation, just react by cutting off the person, avoiding eye contact with them, or just quitting.

This book has been really enlighting b/c I do so many of the things they warn against. I definitely suffer identity crises, and take the all-or-nothing stance. I do assume I know someone's intent when their actions have affected me negatively. This is going to take a lot of practice, but I already know the alternative, and I don't want to end up alone and jobless, so this is what I'll have to do.
14 von 15 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Great book - very eye-opening! 18. Mai 2012
Von JM555 - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
I don't normally write reviews, but this book was great. I was skeptical and figured it would just list a bunch of suggestions that aren't practical in the real world, but I was wrong. Some of the material was very eye-opening, especially the topics that deal with looking at yourself to see how you may be contributing to the problem. Highly recommended!
16 von 18 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
4.0 von 5 Sternen Diificult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most 9. Februar 2012
Von Douglas E Stapleton - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
I found Stone, Patton, and Heen of the Harvard Negotiation Project helpful in bringing professional negotiating skills to bear on the problems of everday life. Their premise is that every conversation is really three conversations: the "what happened" conversation, the emotional conversation and the indentity conversation. This helps one seperate these three conversations that get stuck together in one's mind. The book gives the reader tools that allow them to turn any difficult conversation into a learning opportunity. As I have applied these tools to my difficult conversations they may not have become easier, but I feel they have been less destructive and certianly less intimidating. I have found using the print book with repeated listenings to the audio book version has helped the concepts become more second nature and accessible to me in the moments I need them the most. Recomended reading for anyone, because we all have difficult conversations once in a while
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