The story would likely appeal to kids, particularly girls, in grades 4-7, perhaps even a bit older, but the writing is so poor that it distracts from an entertaining concept.
In the opening pages, the sentence structure is so repetitive that it becomes sluggish. I thought at first that this was even the author's style, but after several paragraphs, it was clear that this is simply leaden, plodding writing.
The author also tried to vary the vocabulary, but this is often ridiculously clumsy. For example, one of the girls tucks her arm in the other's "limb," when there's no reason not to repeat "arm."
The author also regularly missed adding commas where they're needed, such as before and after one character addresses another and between quotes and the rest of the sentence. There are other careless errors, such as consistently misspelling "iPad."
If I were a high school writing teacher and a student of mine handed this in I'd be thrilled at his or her imagination, spend several hours working with her on vocabulary, varying sentence structures, and the basics of punctuation, and once it's polished, encourage her to send to a high school writing magazine or post it online or both.
But as it is, the entertaining concept is dragged down by the poor writing style and poor (or non-existent) proofreading.
