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Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children [Kindle Edition]

Michael Thompson Phd , Cathe O'Neill-Grace
5.0 von 5 Sternen  Alle Rezensionen anzeigen (1 Kundenrezension)

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Gebundene Ausgabe EUR 18,29  
Taschenbuch EUR 11,38  

Produktbeschreibungen

From Booklist

Why are children so mean to each other? Why is it so important to them to be popular? How can they be so loyal to their friends one moment and so treacherous the next? Thompson, the coauthor of Raising Cain (1999), takes on the subject of children's social lives in this fascinating book that will make parents alternately laugh and cry as they recognize their children and themselves as youngsters. This time, Thompson joins with another psychologist and a children's book author--all parents--to explore the reasons children behave as they do in relationships and offer advice on how parents can help them navigate friendships from childhood through adolescence. The authors present touching, sometimes tragic, anecdotes on everything from the typical childhood cruelties of bullies, teasing, and clique formation to the tight bonds of true friendship to investigate how children form and maintain relationships. They also examine the differences between friendship and popularity and give practical insight to parents on the complex social lives of children. Parents will treasure this book. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

From Library Journal

Bullying has become an area of concern in the media and society. This book discusses that topic but weaves it into a broader study of children's friendships. Thompson, a clinical psychologist and coauthor of Raising Cain; Grace, an author of children's books and a former columnist for the Washington Post; and psychologist Cohen (Playful Parenting) present a developmental perspective as they describe how children's social lives develop from toddlerhood to adolescence. Research and analysis are interspersed with personal anecdotes and vignettes in an engaging style. The book concludes with advice to teachers and parents on how to improve social life in schools and support children's friendships. This is not a formulaic, how-to book. As the authors themselves acknowledge, the best way to learn about friendship is to practice it. However, it does provide useful perspective on a critical aspect of adolescent development, which tends to be overlooked until schoolyard feuds erupt into violent confrontations. The book may also be reassuring to parents since it outlines information on current dating styles, acceptable ranges of friendship patterns, and normal gender differences in interpersonal relationships. Recommended for public library parenting collections to complement Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese's more narrowly focused Cliques: 8 Steps To Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle (LJ 2/1/01). Antoinette Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN
Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Produktinformation

  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • Dateigröße: 515 KB
  • Seitenzahl der Print-Ausgabe: 320 Seiten
  • ISBN-Quelle für Seitenzahl: 0345438094
  • Verlag: Ballantine Books; Auflage: 1 (24. Oktober 2001)
  • Verkauf durch: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Sprache: Englisch
  • ASIN: B000FC1GVA
  • Text-to-Speech (Vorlesemodus): Aktiviert
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Nicht aktiviert
  • Durchschnittliche Kundenbewertung: 5.0 von 5 Sternen  Alle Rezensionen anzeigen (1 Kundenrezension)
  • Amazon Bestseller-Rang: #544.549 Bezahlt in Kindle-Shop (Siehe Top 100 Bezahlt in Kindle-Shop)

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5.0 von 5 Sternen
5.0 von 5 Sternen
Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen
Von Donald Mitchell TOP 500 REZENSENT
Format:Taschenbuch
This book deserves many more than five stars for its careful, thoughtful, and detailed look at how children develop their social lives. Like all remarkable books, it will extend your understanding beyond your personal life experiences and provide simple, common sense guidelines for achieving outstanding results. If you only read one book this year about improving the social life of your child, make it this one!

Every book I read about the psychological problems of youngsters focuses on the forms of social exclusion and bullying that typically occur in schools and neighborhoods. Best Friends, Worst Enemies takes that as the starting point, explains what causes the social exclusion and bullying, and details what schools and parents can do to eliminate it.

Social connection between children begins at a younger age than most people believe. The book details videotaped studies of infants watching and connecting with each other. Then, step-by-step, the authors show you how social interaction develops from those early months through to dating. I was particularly impressed by the conceptual description of youngsters being assigned a place versus the in group (in or out, and high or low status in that role). Although I could not articulate it, that certainly captures my recollection of those painful teenage years.

The use of animal studies is persuasive for the ways that humans often behave. I found myself chuckling over the descriptions of Alpha male and Queen Bee female behaviors.

The best part of the book is that it points out that exclusion is bad for those who do it, as well as for those who suffer from it. So all parents and all youngsters should be concerned.

The book avoids being too technical about psychological concepts.
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War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?
Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf Amazon.com (beta)
Amazon.com: 4.6 von 5 Sternen  25 Rezensionen
48 von 50 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Richness of Connection and How to Make It Work for Children 21. September 2001
Von Donald Mitchell - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Gebundene Ausgabe
This book deserves many more than five stars for its careful, thoughtful, and detailed look at how children develop their social lives. Like all remarkable books, it will extend your understanding beyond your personal life experiences and provide simple, common sense guidelines for achieving outstanding results. If you only read one book this year about improving the social life of your child, make it this one!
Every book I read about the psychological problems of youngsters focuses on the forms of social exclusion and bullying that typically occur in schools and neighborhoods. Best Friends, Worst Enemies takes that as the starting point, explains what causes the social exclusion and bullying, and details what schools and parents can do to eliminate it.
Social connection between children begins at a younger age than most people believe. The book details videotaped studies of infants watching and connecting with each other. Then, step-by-step, the authors show you how social interaction develops from those early months through to dating. I was particularly impressed by the conceptual description of youngsters being assigned a place versus the in group (in or out, and high or low status in that role). Although I could not articulate it, that certainly captures my recollection of those painful teenage years.
The use of animal studies is persuasive for the ways that humans often behave. I found myself chuckling over the descriptions of Alpha male and Queen Bee female behaviors.
The best part of the book is that it points out that exclusion is bad for those who do it, as well as for those who suffer from it. So all parents and all youngsters should be concerned.
The book avoids being too technical about psychological concepts. Everything described is built around the common human needs for connection, recognition, and power.
The section about how to improve schools was very sensitively done. It pointed out that teachers almost always know what's going on, but don't always know what to do about it. The many ideas for mixing the young people up and giving them all a chance to shine will, I'm sure, make many teachers enjoy their work more and help more students. I especially liked the idea of having a counselor meet with the kids who have trouble reading social clues, and helping them discuss and learn from each other how to connect. The idea of having high-status kids mentor low-status kids over the summer was also appealing.
Parents will have a tougher job to follow the advice here. You need to set a better example, and not be exclusionary in your own life . . . not gossip about others behind their backs . . . and help opens doors for your shy and excluded, or popular and obnoxious youngster. But, it's good advice . . . if you have what it takes to follow the advice.
Ask yourself at least once a day: How can I help someone feel included and appreciated today? Then, act!
38 von 42 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Thought-provoking 28. Januar 2002
Von Laure Chipman - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Gebundene Ausgabe
This book has been a help in understanding my five-year-old's peer relationships, and is thought-provoking even for non-parents. I found the book well-organized and well-written. It helps make sense of children's behavior in terms of their needs for "connection, recognition, and power." It points out that children balance these three needs. Soon after reading this book, my son provided a stunningly concrete example of this. He and his friend had drawn chalk "tornado spinners" on the driveway. My son said, "My tornado spinner is more powerful than yours, because it's bigger." The other boy quietly said, "I'm not sure if I want to be friends with you any more." My son said, "OK, OK, they're the same power." The need for connection had won over the need for power and recognition.
There are some helpful hints to be gleaned from the book as well. Here's one I related to. Often, if a child has a problem at school with another child one day, the parent will tend to ask the child on the following day, "So, how did it go with Johnny today?" Your child, meanwhile, had forgotten all about the problem, but your comment provokes a "come to think of it..." reaction, causing the child to continue to dredge up negatives.
The book divides children into "accepted," "rejected," and "neglected" types, to describe how their peers treat them. I fell squarely into the "neglected" category, which I think explains my lack of understanding of the "need to belong" that so many people feel -- I wasn't really "in the game."
The authors mention a fascinating psychological experiment dealing with the need to belong. The subject was put into a group of people, and all were supposed to look at several pairs of lines and tell which was the longer line: A or B. The members of the group were told in advance to lie in one case, and say that Line B was longer. Two out of three subjects went along with the group, and also said that Line B was longer! I was truly stunned by this result -- it explains a lot about the dark side of human behavior. One of the authors asked a group of children why they thought the subject went along with the group, and she said, "He wanted to be in the 'B-Line Club'." The authors avoid any moral denunciation of this kind of follow-the-group behavior, apparently feeling it wouldn't be appropriate in a book on psychology.
I highly recommend this book. I found it useful, and also just plain intrinsically interesting.
32 von 35 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
2.0 von 5 Sternen Disappointing 11. Juni 2009
Von Seattle reader - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Taschenbuch
This book could have used an editor, or a better one. I found it much too wordy: he says in 4 paragraphs what was already clear in the first paragraph. I felt that he was explaining issues to about a 6th grade level person.

I was less interested in the theory in the abstract and would have appreciated more suggestions for parental action (or inaction) in each chapter. Instead, the "What parents can do" chapter was stuck onto the end of the book like an afterthought, and read like an article in O..."10 things you can do". The one part of the book that was brief, and it was the part I had hoped to be in-depth.

Finally, I thought the author put a lot of weight on the parents' impact on a child's personality. Obviously there is a huge influence, but there was little mention of temperament. It was just: "Johnny's quiet, and when you meet his Dad, he's quiet, too." And some examples were more accusatory: the mother is not socially skilled, so no wonder the child isn't. There are lots of kids struggling who are just that way. I don't care if he blames me as a mother, but why I think this misses the boat is that it portrays only the weak side of the child's personality and poses it as a problem...no mention that this can be the way the child is wired and that there are associated strengths. I think that knowledge affects a parent's ability to accept a child who is "different" and support him/her in their strengths and help them offset their weaknesses to minimize the negative impact of the weakness on their life.

I was looking forward to reading this book, and found it very disappointing.
15 von 15 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen AN INSIGHTFUL LOOK AT CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT! 12. September 2001
Von Sandra D. Peters - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Gebundene Ausgabe
There are few things more disheartening than tales of bullying or watching your child be emotionally hurt by other children. The thoughtless teacher who allows other children to choose their team mates in activities can emotionally devestate a child who is chosen last. The child who is continually being physically threatened and tormented can leave a child in absolute terror of going to school. A birthday party that is eagerly anticipated by your child only to find that one, if anyone, actually shows up for the event is heartbreaking. As children, most of us have experienced at least one of these horrific experiences, but when it happens to your own child, it can be equally as traumatic for the parent as the child. The hurt and devestation can magnify if the child is low on self-confidence and self-esteem in the first place.
As a counsellor, I found this book gave an insightful outlook and delivers support to parents whose child is a victim of vicious, reandom acts of physical and emotional cruelty by their peers. Families today come is all structures and sizes, but regardless of whether it is a one parent or two parent family, one of the best actions a parent can take is to ensure there child is raised in a loving, nurturing, understanding, encouraging family environment. This helps boost self-esteem, confidence and emotional strength. For any parent who feels their child is the victim of random acts of cruelty by others, this book will provide a clearer understanding of the ways this situation can be handled. It is an excellent book and highly recommended reading.
26 von 29 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Shows how parents can understand and help children socially 19. Februar 2002
Von Kcorn - Veröffentlicht auf Amazon.com
Format:Gebundene Ausgabe|Verifizierter Kauf
After watching a feature documentary on the power of social relationships to shape a child's life into adulthood, I was already interested in learning more. This book filled the bill, especially the sections which revealed how children use power (and even bullying) to both include some children and exclude others. I think most of us remember the playground bullies but what this book did was show how parents can help to change bullying behavior, give their children skills to handle bullies and lessen the damaging effects of their behavior.
This book focuses on far more than bullies and those who purchase it will find it filled with rich insights into the social world of children and how they view their friendships and connections with other children.
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