The Astronaut's Wife [Blu-ray]

First of all: The filmmakers took the title of it too seriously. Just because a film is called "The Astronauts Wife" doesnt mean she has to be seen all the time. No joke: There has to be at least six thousand closeups of Charlize Therons face in this flick. Dont get me wrong, she's hot, but that's not the issue for an exciting movie, isnt it..? Well, okay maybe it is and ironically, it also was the only good thing about it, since they should have called it "The Astronaut's Wife's nipples" instead. I counted at least four scenes in which Theron was either cold, horny as hell or didnt wear a bra (or all at once).

And what about that "story"? It's like the writer watched Hitchcocks "Suspicion" and thought: "Hm. Maybe i could rip off the idea, turn it into a science fiction movie and make the whole thing as amateurish as possible." Yes, I'm actually pretty sure it happened in this exact way.
I can clearly hear his diverse thoughts when writing the script: "Oh. I've just created a situation with suspense potential. Quick. I have to ruin it by adding one-dimensional dialogue, stereotypical acting or at least another closeup of Charlize Therons nipples! Phew! Damn that was close.. I've almost created a scene that might have worked!"

There are some things that made me wonder about "The Astronaut's Wife" and some that didnt. I did not wonder why the whole production design looked so uninteresting and boring, because 1. Its adequate to the whole movie and 2. they obviously had no budget because noone wants to invest into a movie that recycles an overused idea without superstar-power.

But i did wonder why the hell Johnny Depp signed on this?!... Wait, I know. He signed because the contract was entitled "5 Million and a bed scene with Charlize Theron for free". Fine work, Don Juan. A few hot minutes and the result is a stupid hairdo and your first real flaw in your filmography. Try not to think with your 11th finger next time, buddy.

And why Theron? She's a fine and pretty succesful actress. Answer: She signed because she doesnt even had to appear on the set in the first place! Her agents just mailed some footage of her role in "Devils Advocate" to the producers and they cut a new movie out of it. Well, lets say they cut "something" out of it..

Have i already mentioned that the movie is incredibly boring? Usually, films that mostly rely on dialogue should at least earn some credit for courage, because just like in a stage play, its an effort for a writer to keep things going without letting happening very much.

But what's here? Instead of counterbalancing the boring settings and the leading actress' face all over the screen with interesting thoughts, it does nothing! No excitement, no payoff. Nothing. The characters just say and do what everyone in the audience would expect of characters "like this" to say and do. Well only if the viewer has already watched more than four movies in his life, of course.

And even If you havent already, do not watch it! Watch "Suspicion" instead! It has Cary Grant in it. And also a light bulb in a milk glass. Thats far more than "The Astronaut's Wife" has to offer. Lesen Sie weiter... ›