This is by far and away the best book to start with if you are thinking of adoption, and I recommend picking it up very early in your experience of infertility, even if you are fairly certain you don't want to adopt, because it will help you think the issues through. First, what it isn't: a how-to explaining whom to call and what documentation to assemble. These practicalities can vary so much depending on where you live, when you are adopting and what kind of arrangement you're seeking, that kind of book would be out of date at once. And what good would they have done me, out here in Hong Kong? This book, instead, addresses all sorts of questions you wouldn't dare ask Social Services or maybe even your mother: does the amount of pain I still feel about my infertility mean I'm not ready to adopt? Is there something mean or wrong with my character if I don't want to adopt a disabled child? What about adopting across race or culture? What if I adopt and then get pregnant, how can I mix my family in this way? Is love something I can just turn on like a tap for any child, or where do I learn it? I found this book immensely consoling because it cut through a lot of the hypocrisy and consoling platitudes that people seem to smother you with when you're suffering from infertility. It helped to decide whether I should try to adopt, and gave me courage for the journey. Just knowing there were people out there who knew how I might feel made everything much less frightening and unthinkable.
