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1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2–12 (123 Magic) [Kindle Edition]

Thomas W. Phelan PhD
5.0 von 5 Sternen  Alle Rezensionen anzeigen (2 Kundenrezensionen)

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"An excellent, workable, and supportive resource for parents and educators."  —Booklist


This revised edition of the award-winning 1-2-3 Magic program addresses the difficult task of child discipline with humor, keen insight, and proven experience. The technique offers a foolproof method of disciplining children ages two through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking. By means of three easy-to-follow steps, parents learn to manage troublesome behavior, encourage good behavior, and strengthen the parent-child relationship—avoiding the "Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit" syndrome which frustrates so many parents. Ten strategies for building a child’s self-esteem and the six types of testing and manipulation a parent can expect from the child are discussed, as well as tips on how to prevent homework arguments, make mealtimes more enjoyable, conduct effective family meetings, and encourage children to start doing their household chores. New advice about kids and technology and new illustrations bring this essential parenting companion completely up-to-date.


  • Format: Kindle Edition
  • Dateigröße: 3497 KB
  • Seitenzahl der Print-Ausgabe: 224 Seiten
  • Verlag: Parentmagic, Inc.; Auflage: 4 (1. Oktober 2010)
  • Verkauf durch: Amazon Media EU S.à r.l.
  • Sprache: Englisch
  • ASIN: B004GB1G2U
  • Text-to-Speech (Vorlesemodus): Aktiviert
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Nicht aktiviert
  • Durchschnittliche Kundenbewertung: 5.0 von 5 Sternen  Alle Rezensionen anzeigen (2 Kundenrezensionen)
  • Amazon Bestseller-Rang: #227.763 Bezahlt in Kindle-Shop (Siehe Top 100 Bezahlt in Kindle-Shop)

  •  Ist der Verkauf dieses Produkts für Sie nicht akzeptabel?

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Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen
5.0 von 5 Sternen Magic by name, magic by nature 2. Juli 2012
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
I got this book because it seemed to represent an effective, but dignified and kind way of disciplining children. This book has lots ideas and roleplays that could be used if wished. The layout and descriptions are very good, if a little "marketingy" at times, and it is interesting to read too.
War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?
5.0 von 5 Sternen sehr hilfreich 12. November 2013
Von Karen
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
auch wenn man nicht alles durchziehen möchte...das buch bietet sehr gute tipps fuer jeden typ; manchmal braucht man auch einfach nur eine bestaetigung um zu wissen, dass man auf dem richtigen weg ist; hat einen guten platz im buecherregal bekommen;
War diese Rezension für Sie hilfreich?
Die hilfreichsten Kundenrezensionen auf (beta) 4.4 von 5 Sternen  420 Rezensionen
363 von 378 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen Changed my life! 31. Juli 2011
Von Stephanie - Veröffentlicht auf
I have a really independent and strong willed little girl who is pretty sure she knows everything already and is in charge of the home. I also inherited a bad, bad temper from my own father, and a set of unproductive and rage-fueled methods for handling discipline in the home. I was terrified I would squelch my daughter's independence and irreparably damage our relationship, until I read this amazing book. It's a simple, incredibly effective technique that gives parents a rapid response to quietly and calmly shut down any obnoxious behaviour, along with encouragement to provide constant positive reinforcement and love. It has revolutionized my relationship with my daughter, who now knows exactly where the boundaries lie and what to expect when she violates them. I haven't slammed a door since I read the book, and I no longer fear that I'm perpetuating a cycle of anger and harsh punishment. Highly recommend it.
102 von 123 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
5.0 von 5 Sternen A MUST read for every parent 5. April 2011
Von Jerry FLA - Veröffentlicht auf
Format:Kindle Edition
My son will be 12 in a couple of weeks and he still instantly responds whenever he sees a my index finger. I first read this book and put it into action when my son was probably between 4 and 5 years old.

My wife never read this book but saw the amazing results I was getting and I soon heard her saying "one... two...". Neither one of us has gotten to "three" since establishing the 'baseline' when we first started using this system.

Here's basically how we put it to work: When our boy misbehaved I held up one finger and said "one". He had a second chance "two" but at three he got an instant 5 minute time out.

My son found those 5 minutes excruciating and figured out VERY quickly that:

1. He received consistently INSTANT punishment at "three".

2. His punishment time was extended for "bad behavior" while in time out.

3. Most importantly, he figured out he had the ability to avoid any consequences by modifying his behavior.

Fast forward 8 or so years to the present. My son has never been spanked or otherwise punished physically. He just got another straight A report card - his usual since he started school. The comment I hear most often from his teachers is that he is a "joy" in the classroom. He's polite and kind and no pushover either: he just earned a second level karate black belt.

I could go on for an hour but needless to say he's turning out to be an amazing person.

I still use the system but nowadays it's usually a discreet flash of a "one" or perhaps a "two" to let him know a course change is recommended. The only "three" he has seen in years is fair warning that his dad is about to pounce on him and tickle him until he begs for mercy.

Of course my wife (who never did read the book) will still yell "TWO" when she wants him to do something - but it still works for her.

Finally, use this book - it worked for my family. My only advice is to be certain to "set down the rules" early and consistently and then let your kid decide what course they take.

UPDATE Summer 2014:
Well, my son will be getting his driving permit soon and he qualified for placement in the "advanced technology" program in school having transferred with a 4.0 from private school. This young man is destined for success. I attribute his school success with the fact that his mother spent literally hours with him every evening working on homework. At this point he has developed excellent study skills that will serve him well.

As for behavior, he is a wonderful young man (and typical 15 year old). I am convinced that the 1-2-3 method - actually the idea of the method - has been instrumental in his becoming who he is. The idea of course, is that you are not forcing behavior but allowing the child to learn to make advantageous choices. THAT's the important message of this book.

Today I see my son making choices all day long (as we all do) but he (usually) consciously weighs the pro/cons and options before taking action. He truly is a joy to watch as he gets older. And I still squeeze him when I get the chance.
246 von 306 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
3.0 von 5 Sternen Undertones of disrespect in an otherwise valuable system 17. Dezember 2012
Von N V-meyer - Veröffentlicht auf
As a public school teacher and a mother (2 preschoolers and an infant), I struggled with this book. While I find some incredibly valuable principles in the 1-2-3 Magic system, there are several underlying assumptions (some of which are stressed repeatedly by the author) that don't sit well with me at all.

-Dr. Phelan describes 3 major parenting jobs: 1. Controlling obnoxious behavior, 2. Encouraging good behavior, and 3. Strengthening the parent-child relationship. This feels backwards. It seems to me that these three jobs ought to be prioritized and implemented in reverse order, because a child who feels loved and secure will naturally exhibit less obnoxious behavior.
-Dr. Phelan repeatedly warns parents against thinking of children as "little adults" who will act cooperatively if they have the proper information and sound reasoning, but instead suggests visualizing ourselves as "wild animal trainers." (Are adults all predisposed to cooperation based simply on years??) I will readily admit that my home sometimes sounds like a zoo. However, my children (even at ages 2 and 4) demonstrate to me over and over again the depth and beauty of their spirits, and the complexity of their thoughts and emotions. I want to foster an environment in which my children know that their feelings matter to me, and in which respect grows out of love and trust rather than effective crowd control.
-In an attempt to keep things light and humorous, Dr. Phelan's directions to parents sometimes come across as condescending. For instance, he describes a scenario in which "dad asked the world's dumbest question, 'What's going on in here?'" Levity can be achieved without resorting to insults and sweeping generalizations. Furthermore, I believe this kind of rhetoric will pass right down into the parenting if the parent follows Dr. Phelan's system without challenge.

-My favorite thing about the "no talking, no emotion" system is that it keeps kids' little mistakes little. Sometimes in the exasperated moments of parenting I find myself saying things like, "C'mon guys! Can't you see that I'm...." or "Why can't you just..." A simple and clear "Too loud. Strike one." gives my 4-yr-old a chance to change his behavior without feeling like he's ruined mommy's day. He frequently apologizes immediately and peace is restored. It also removes the unnecessary vocabulary and verbosity that can overwhelm my 2-yr-old.
-The distinction between "stop behaviors" (fighting, whining, jumping on the bed) and "start behaviors" (getting dressed, brushing teeth, finishing dinner) was a big light-bulb moment for me. Separating the tasks at hand into these two categories has drastically simplified my instructions.
-The use of timers is very helpful as it removes all the parent-child tension from "start behaviors" like finishing dinner. There are no longer arguments about whether or not my 2-year-old should get dessert after taking 97 minutes to down a single serving of veggies. The timer does the talking, and nobody can argue with the timer.
-One-on-one time with each kid is such an overlooked necessity. Just as my husband and I feel like passing ships when we don't manage to squeeze in a date together for months at a time, my kids must experience that same kind of relational depletion when they get lost in the endless whole-family activities.

Overall, I am grateful for the bits that I am able to apply effectively, but I prefer to build my parenting philosophy on a different foundation. Out of the stack of parenting books I recently checked out of the library (including this one), I'd sooner recommend "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk."
83 von 109 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
1.0 von 5 Sternen There are much better ways out there! Punishments and rewards don't help children in the long run 27. November 2013
Von Keri - Veröffentlicht auf
Format:Kindle Edition
123 magic is, straight up, a book that relies on threats of punishments and desire for praise to keep kids in line, and neither of those things are necessary when you have a connected relationship and effective positive discipline tools. If you use threats and rewards, by the time your kids are teens, they are going to do what they can get away with (get around punishment--teens are smart) AND do only what gets them something (rewards) rather than work hard because of intrinsic value. I'm not saying every teen respond this way, but many do. (I know I did!).

If you're looking for a book that is not reward and punishment based yet is extremely effective, give Dr. Laura Markham's book a try. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting has everything that 123 Magic doesn't, and it is in an easy to read format. She also is very empathetic towards the struggles of parents--she is on your side 100%. The audio version is particularly worth getting. Listening a little every day improved my parenting and relationship with my kids so much, and felt effortless since I just did 15 minutes here and there in the car each day.

I started out in some ways parenting as I was parented, but I want better for my kids, with better outcomes. I want them to be emotionally smart, not blind rule followers and/or rebellious. I don't at all believe kids need to go through a rebellious phase--when I used to teach high school in my 20's, I saw kids who didn't go through any negative phases, happy, centered kids, and the best of those kids had parents were amazing, kind and connected. They laughed with their kids, they clearly loved them. Heck, parent teacher conferences with "those types of parents" made ME feel loved! I knew when I grew up, that was what I wanted--but at the time, I didn't know how. I want my kids to know I love them because we are connected, not because I praise them when they are "good." My love has nothing to do with good or bad, or the choices they make. It is unconditional. As parents, we all know our love is unconditional, but how do we get this across to our kids? (Not with 123 magic! ;)

Anyway, I found the answer in Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids. It has been almost a year now since I read that book and I keep going back to it--it's how I live my life, and how I will keep living it. There is no magic to true connectedness and respect of myself and my kids, but I had a ton to learn. I am still learning, growing, and becoming a better person and parent.

Don't get sucked in to this oversimplified system of praise and rewards. There are much better ways to get children to think about their behavior and to do better next time, to teach them, than by using this system and setting yourself up in opposition to them. I've also read Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves, which I see mentioned in these comments a few times, and it is great, but not as easy to implement as Markham's work. Aldort has some nice videos on her parenting site as well, and Markham has a site called aha parenting--subscribe to her newsletter if you're not ready to buy her book (and even if you are--I love getting those bursts of inspiration in my inbox).

Good luck on your parenting journey no matter what you decide, whether it be 123 Magic or something else entirely--I wish you the utmost success and happiness.
9 von 10 Kunden fanden die folgende Rezension hilfreich
1.0 von 5 Sternen There are better, less damaging ways 17. November 2014
Von AV - Veröffentlicht auf
Format:Taschenbuch|Verifizierter Kauf
This book was recommened in a therapy group when one of my children was presenting challenging behavior. It came highly recommended and seemed like it might be a great way to go. It's presented in rather a sarcastic tone. I appreciate that they author is trying to make light of a serious situation by pointing out the stressers in child discipline. I laughed at first but then felt like he was making fun of kids. The techniques helped a few times but they shut off the child's emotions leaving mine to feel very badly after the fact. They felt sifled and wounded. Leaving my children alone to reflect on an incident for a time is one thing. Leaving them alone to process an incident and associate behaviors without guidence leaves them hanging. I didn't feel good or effective after using these techniques, neither did my children. Talking to them at a level they can understand works better, in my opinion.
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